


can i go where you go?

by ohtobeaqueensellingdreams



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Emma Carstairs - Freeform, Julian Blackthorn - Freeform, Kierarktina, TDA - Freeform, TSC - Freeform, blackstairs, jemma - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohtobeaqueensellingdreams/pseuds/ohtobeaqueensellingdreams
Summary: As long as there has been an Emma, there has been a Julian, so when Julian’s family moves halfway across the sea to an English boarding school, no one is surprised to see Emma follow. Emma and Julian have always been best friends, and Emma is certain nothing will change that. Not even busy schedules, or schoolgirl drama. Nothing can break their bond. At least, thats what Emma thinks, until suddenly it feels as though Julian is keeping something from her, and Emma finds she has secrets of her own.
Relationships: Julian Blackthorn & Emma Carstairs, Julian Blackthorn/Emma Carstairs
Comments: 36
Kudos: 41





	1. Entreat Me Not To Leave Thee

Chapter One: Entreat me not to leave thee

It wasn’t until Emma was hauling her overstuffed suitcase down the pavement and struggling to lift it into the car she’d fully accepted the fact that she’d be leaving. The last two weeks had been a blur, really, of excitement and preparation. She’d barely had a second to think between packing bags and shopping for supplies and getting everything ready so that she wouldn’t miss anything from home while being across the ocean. It was only now as Emma’s mother was chiding her for overpacking while simultaneously asking if she was sure she had everything she needed that Emma realised she might miss home. She’d miss her parents.

“You’re sure you want to do this?” John Carstairs asked his daughter for the fiftieth time that week. “It’s not to late to call and say there was a change of plans. I’m sure Andrew has a ton of kids wanting to get into the school that could easily fill your spot,”

“I’m sure,” Emma said, wondering if there was much truth in her words. For the past two weeks there had been no question about leaving. Now though, she bit her lip and tried to remember why on earth she’d want to leave sunny Los Angeles for rainy England. When she reminded herself what was waiting on the other side of the eleven hour flight, all doubt was thrown aside. In a few hours she’d see him and that smile that seemed to erase all that was wrong in the world.

As far as she was concerned, Julian Blackthorn had been Emma’s best friend forever. This had some truth, for there had never been a time in Emma’s life when Julian wasn’t there with her. Emma’s mother, Cordelia, met Eleanor Blackthorn when they were both Emma’s current age. Cordelia was originally from Ireland, but was attending school in England. There she met Eleanor and Andrew, and instantly the three became best friends. When they graduated and left for LA, Cordelia met and married John Carstairs. The Carstairs’ and the Blackthorns were neighbours in LA. Emma’s mother worked in TV and film, while her father worked in music. He was constantly nagging at her to take up an instrument, and eventually she did. 

Emma had never lived in a world without Julian, and she wouldn’t have changed that for the world. Every milestone Emma hit had been reached holding his hand. Every risk had been taken with him by her side, matching her energy and mirroring her emotions. They’d said their first words around the same time, and when Emma started walking Julian was soon to follow. Julian was always the more cautious of the two. While still down for late night adventures and pranks on his older brother, Mark, Julian was the one to make sure things never went to far. When Emma fell as a toddler, it was Julian who would wail for the attention of their parents, as if it were Jules himself that had been cut. When they had a test, Julian was the one to make sure Emma gradually did her study, instead of cramming the night before and triggering a meltdown. It was always Julian. 

Julian and Emma. 

“Two halves of a whole soul,” a poet might say. 

“Two halves of a whole idiot,” Mark would argue.

They had been best friends their whole lives. They had been through everything together. They documented their heights on Julian’s bedroom wall over their childhoods, an activity that usually ended in Emma huffing because she wasn’t the tallest. They had made up handshakes and secret languages that never seemed to last and given each other code names. Emma had been the one to hold Julian’s hand when Eleanor Blackthorn passed away. 

It was a shock to both of them when Andrew Blackthorn got offered the position of headmaster at an English boarding school two months ago, leaving for England and taking his family with him. 

It happened so fast. One minute she was sitting in her room, flipping through a magazine, next she was on the beach, sitting on the rock her and Jules has claimed as their meeting spot all those years ago.

“He says he had to take it,” Julian said bitterly. “That there was nothing holding him here and that we had every reason to leave for London. He wants to put me in school there, Em. Me and Mark and Livia and Ty. Dru and Tavvy are too young. My dad will be my principal. And you won’t be there,”

The last words hit Emma like a speeding car. A home without Jules was no home at all. Long story short, after weeks of begging and screaming and crying and persuading John and Cordelia agreed to allow Emma to go too. It wasn’t as if she was abandoning her family completely; even they admitted that this year was going to be a busy one, and it wasn’t as if they’d get much family time outside of holidays that Emma would return home for anyway. Besides, Emma was sixteen now, and longing for a sliver of independence.

“I’m going to miss you, kiddo,” Emma’s dad said for the fifteenth time, pulling her in for another hug and ruffling her hair that was the exact same shade as his own. Emma could feel her mother taking her hand and sniffling. 

“I’ll miss you guys too,” Emma replies, her voice muffled in her fathers embrace. Then she pulls away, certain that if she hangs on any longer letting go will be impossible. She puts the last of her things in the boot of the taxi. She says a few more dozen goodbyes to her parents and finally gets in the car. 

On the way to the airport Emma looks out the window, taking in the last of California. She knows she’ll miss it. 

But she misses Julian more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! hope you enjoyed this chapter. it’s a little short, but as we get into the story the chapters get longer. Thanks, el :)


	2. Or Return From Following After Thee

Excitement keeps Emma awake for most of the flight. She planned of getting some sleep so as not to be a complete zombie the next day, but her eyes reopen almost as soon as she tries to close them and she can’t stop fidgeting. By the time the flight attendants come around offering crappy airplane food and watered down hot beverages, Emma had switched her phone on only to switch it back off again after looking through every game on her phone more times than countable. The plane offered wifi, so Emma could have taken off her airplane mode to text someone or scroll through Instagram, but she isn’t in the mood for a million snapchat notifications from Cameron Ashdown. Instead she ends up taking out her earphones and putting on her downloaded spotify playlist.

Anticipation makes the flight seem longer than ever. Not only is she bursting with excitement in a confined space, she is seated in what seems to be the worst possible place. She would have liked to have had a window seat, but instead she gets the middle. To her annoyance, the middle aged woman who did get the middle seat didn’t even bother looking out as they took off. She kept her nose in her book the whole time.

On Emma’s other side, an old man takes the aisle seat. He is nice enough and doesn’t rub Emma as badly as the woman, but after fifteen minutes he falls asleep. His head sits stubbornly on her shoulder. There is drool on her shirt. 

Behind her sits what she assumes is a child, because they kept kicking the back of her seat. With her music blasting in her ears, she could zone out and pretend there was no drool on her shirt and that the woman next to her had enjoyed the view, but it was much harder to block out the sensation of an annoying nine year old kicking the back of your chair.

Most of all, it’s the annoying realisation that although she is as excited as she could possibly be, Emma is nervous. She almost cringes at the thought. Why would she be nervous to see Jules? The very thought is sickening. He is her best friend in the whole world. The only friend that has last longer than a couple of months. The only one that she hasn’t got bored of, or that suddenly decided Emma wasn’t the type of girl they wanted as a friend. The one thing that has kept her sane all summer while alone in Los Angeles. 

Eventually, temptation wins and Emma connects to the planes wifi. As if on cue, a call comes through immediately. Reluctantly, Emma picks up. 

“Emma?” The voice on the other side of the phone says, half disbelief half hopeful.

“Cameron,” Emma says in monotone, her expression unmoving. “I’m on the plane. Make it quick,”

“No need to be rude, Emma,”

“Make it quick, please,”

“Why did you leave? Things were going so well. You could have stayed in LA. You know, with me,” Cameron’s voice sounds genuinely hurt, and Emma is not without empathy. Her expression softens, and she tries to come up with the least hurtful excuse. 

“Cam,” Emma says, as gently as she can. Emma has never been good with gentle. At least, not with anyone other than the Blackthorns. Was she gentle when she patiently taught Tavvy chords? Yes, but being gentle with a seventeen year old jock with biceps larger than life? Not so much. “It just didn’t work out,”

“That’s a lie,” Cameron insists, testing Emma. “We were fine. The last two months have been great. I mean, other than the fact that you forgot my birthday-,”

“I thought your birthday was last year!”

“- but we were good! We could have worked out. We could even do long distance if that’s why you ended things-,”

“That’s not why I ended things, Cameron,” Emma says with an exasperated sigh.

“We could make it work!” Cameron pushes, his words having no more impact than the last.

“Maybe I don’t want to make it work!” Emma snaps finally, her wall of patience breaking like glass hitting the ground. The woman next to her gasps, apparently having payed attention to Emma’s whole private phone call. Emma is shocked at herself, and confused too. Cameron was right. They could have made it work. Cameron was a nice guy. He just gave Emma the ick, like the guy before him and the guy before that. Emma didn’t know why. She should’ve been attracted to him. She was. He was gorgeous, even by Emma’s romance novel standards. She knows attraction isn’t everything, but even Cameron could crack a joke. He ticked all the boxes, but Emma didn’t love him. These days she was starting to wonder if she’d ever love anyone. Maybe she was incapable of the very emotion. The thought panicked her, but she wouldn’t tell anyone that. Maybe not even Jules.

Cameron’s silence lasts for a few moments. Then his tone turns ice cold. 

“You don’t seem to want to make it work with anyone, Emma Carstairs,” Cameron says. Emma keeps a straight face, though inside she feels Cameron knows he’s stabbed an already open wound. “You have no sense of commitment. You don’t care about anyone but yourself-,”

“That’s not true!”

“- you don’t care about anyone but yourself, and maybe Julian Blackthorn,”

Cameron hangs up before Emma can argue, but she’s not even sure if she could have. She turns her head to glance sharply at the judging woman beside her, but she’s already turned her attention back to her book. Emma flushes furiously. With Cameron’s words still stuck in her mind, she slumps back into her chair. She does so with such force that she wakes the man using her shoulder as a pillow. He wakes with a start. Glancing down at the drool stain on her shirt, he shifts his focus as if trying to pretend he did even see it. He falls back asleep moments later. Emma closes her eyes, and it’s like arguing has taken the energy out of her. She doesn’t wake until the plane lights turn on and people are reaching their bags from the over head compartments. Emma has arrived in England.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the second chapter of my fanfiction! I hope you enjoyed :) Like the last chapter, this one is pretty short but i plan for them to get longer as the story progresses and more tda characters are introduced. If your reading this, I’m guessing your here for some blackstairs content, so don’t worry we’ll see Julian in the next chapter. Thanks, El:)


	3. For Wither Thou Goest, I Will Go

“Hey, watch it!” An angry voice grunted at Emma after she pulled her carry on down from the overhead compartment with such force it almost hit a few unlucky passengers. It wasn’t her fault; she could barely wait to get of this flight and see Jules. All memory of her phone call with Cameron was gone; buried in the back of her mind to worry about later. All she could think of was Julian. Julian, Helen, Mark, Livia, Ty, Dru and Tavvy. All of whom she hadn’t seen in two months. Her whole life, she hadn’t gone more than a day or two without seeing them. Their absence had been like a constant throb at her heart that had lasted for two months. In a few minutes her heart would ache no more.

Standing in the aisle of the plane waiting for the doors to open felt as long as the plane ride itself, though it only lasted a few minutes. Emma held the handle of her carry on bag tightly and had her phone in her rucksack. She was paranoid she’d drop something, and was not going to waste precious seconds retrieving something from the floor when she could be making her way to the Blackthorns. When the doors of the plane opened, Emma had to hold herself back. Otherwise, she’d have run into a million other sleep deprived and moody passengers, and she wasn’t going to let anyone’s complaints ruin her excitement.

The english weather was something Emma had mentally prepared herself for. Still, when she stepped outside the cold air hit her skin, making her shiver. Julian had warned her over brief text messages, but Emma was so used to the eternal LA summer that she couldn’t imagine a breeze in August. Her hoodie did little to shield her from the cold. It was starting to rain.

Not even bad weather could ruin Emma’s mood. She basically skipped to the baggage claim, eagerly waiting to see her suitcase so that she could leave the airport. Her phone buzzed as she got the text saying he was in the airport exit waiting. Emma was physically buzzing with excitement, but to her confusion, she felt nervous too.

She couldn’t understand why. This was Julian she was about to see. He was the better part of her. Without him the balance shifted, and everything was off. Every bad possibility seemed to flood Emma’s mind at once, making her panic a little. What if they were strangers? What if they were awkward? No, Emma assured herself it would be fine. Sure, they hadn’t face-timed and texted over the last two months as much as they’d planned, but that wasn’t their fault. The first week had been fine. They face-timed religiously every day, and continued sending texts in between. But as the Blackthorns grew busier and the time difference became more apparent, their communication was limited to short texts and memes. Emma hoped that wouldn’t change anything.

She dragged her suitcases through the airport as she slowly felt the jet lag creep up on her. Anticipating had given her a high, but even that couldn’t hold away the tiredness. Or at least that was what she thought until she saw a familiar face in the crowd of families greeting loved ones.

Octavian was the first to notice her. His face lit up and he gave a crap toothed grin, before letting go of his older brothers hand to run to Emma.

“Emma!” Tavvy exclaimed, as she dropped her bags just in time to catch the youngest Blackthorn’s hug. She picked him up and hugged him tight, remembering how much she’d missed the little boy that might as well have been her younger brother. Her heart was so full of love she could have cried right then and there in the middle of London Airport.

Instead of crying, she planted Tavvy back on his feet to turn her attention to the rest of the family. She barely remembered running towards Julian and throwing her arms around him.

He’d been waking towards her before she’d thrown herself at him, with his arms outstretched for a hug. It did nothing to brace him for Emma’s hug. She could feel him wobble slightly at her impact. If it were any other person, Emma might have pulled back and apologised, but this was Julian. He just hugged her back, tighter. Emma didn’t remembered jumping off the ground or being lifted, and she didn’t realise he’d caught her until he was placing her back on the ground.

When Emma realised she now had to crane her neck to look up at Julian, the stubborn ten year old inside her screamed. Sixteen year old Emma remained calm and collected, other than the fact that she was grinning like crazy out of pure joy to be reunited with her best friend.

Julian smiled down at her. His kaleidoscopic blue green eyes were shining, almost glinting as if Julian was smug about now towering over Emma. He’d gotten taller in the past two months, and his hair had grown out. With Helen away spending the summer with her girlfriend, Aline, there had been no one around to cut his hair or attack him with hair brushes. It was messy and in his face a little, but Emma couldn’t even bring herself to poke fun at it because it was dark like bitter chocolate and he was Jules and he was standing right there and she was suddenly realising that the pit in her stomach she didn’t know had been there was gone.

“Hi,” Julian said, his smile unmoving but still glinting with a side of mischief and scheming reserved for Emma. She could have laughed right then and there, out of sheer relief that she was finally with her best friend again. She could have cried, but there wasn’t time because she barely got the chance to breathe as Livvy launched herself at Emma.

“Emma!” Livvy cried, as cheerful as Livia Blackthorn always was. Emma had missed at least one thing about every Blackthorn, and for Livvy it had been her excitement and enthusiasm; her ability to bring light and playfulness to almost everything. For Tavvy it had been his constant chatter, for Ty it had been his order and routine; the way he always made sure that everyone including himself was in check. For Mark it was his Markness, as Emma liked call it. His ability to not take anything too seriously unless something was to be taken seriously. For Dru it had been her loyalty. The thing about Dru was that no matter how bad a day Emma had, she could still go watch a movie with Dru and eat popcorn and have a good time because Dru was always there to enjoy the company of, and despite there being almost five years between the two girls Emma loved Dru as she loved Livvy and Helen; like she were her sister.

Though she missed all the Blackthorns, Emma knew she missed Julian the most. She’d missed everything about him. She missed their banter and late night rants and laugh attacks. She missed the quiet but comforting hours spent together as Julian scribbled away in his sketchbook and Emma flipped through magazines. She missed their stupid arguments that ended in the both apologising, promising never to fight again and going to watch another episode of Friends together. She’d missed his British accent that had been a result of both his parents being from England. She’d teased him about it constantly, but as soon as he left she found herself replaying conversations in her head so as not to risk forgetting the exact tone of his voice.

“Emma,” Livvy continued. “I have so much to tell you! I didn’t want to say it over text because that wouldn’t be as good as telling you in person, but I didn’t want to forget anything, so I wrote it all down so that I wouldn’t. There’s this boy-,”

Emma laughed, pulling away from Livvy to look at her. She too had gotten taller, she was roughly Emma’s height now, and was looking as dazzling as ever with her lovely brown hair and tan that even England couldn’t seem to rid. “Slow down, Livs. You’re too young for boys anyways,” Emma said, before dropping her voice to an intentionally loud whisper. “Besides, we can talk about it properly later. Let’s not give Julian a heart attack,”

Before Emma could see Julian’s reaction, Dru pushed her way past her sister. She seemed a little shyer, and a little awkward, but Emma remembered being thirteen. She remembered her own awkward phase of being uncomfortable in your own skin and feeling out of place. She smiled at Dru, and was pleased to see her smile back as she reached to hug her.

“You got any news for me, Dru?” Emma asked, tugging one of Dru’s dark braids with affection.

“Sorry Ems, I’m afraid there are no cute boys in England. Seriously, none,” Dru said frowning, and Emma was happy to see things click so fast. If she was worried about awkwardness with the Blackthorns, she shouldn’t have been, because Emma felt as if she’d never been parted from them.

Livvy scowled. “That’s not true! Emma, this one guy, he’s so cute-,”

“Okay, can we refrain from the boy talk in front of moi?” Julian said loudly, but his tone was still friendly and Emma knew him well enough to know he was feigning annoyance. She couldn’t help feel a familiar buzz of energy. The excitement she felt to be near him again was almost overwhelming, knowing she’d see him every day from now on overjoyed her, and she wondered how she’d ever taken living next to him in LA for granted. She must have been looking at him, because he gave her a glance that was both a typical Julian smile, and something else Emma didn’t recognise.

“Where’s Ty? And Mark?” Emma asked, suddenly becoming aware of their absence.

“Mark is driving. Parking is too expensive so he’s driving around waiting for us. Ty doesn’t trust him not to crash the car, and the airports full of crowds anyways,” Julian replied. It was a simple question with a simple answer, but already Emma could feel their ease returning. They were Julian and Emma. They would never lose their rhythm.

Emma yawned. Excitement could only hold off lack of sleep for so long, and she realised it was only the afternoon in England. Being someone who openly disliked coffee, she wondered how she’d manage staying awake for the rest of the day.

Of course Julian noticed her tiredness, and immediately he started bossing around his younger siblings, insisting they carry the bags instead of Emma. He took her big suitcase; the one that Emma feared could explode at any moment it was so overpacked. Livvy took her carry on suitcase, and Dru even offered to take Emma’s backpack from her shoulders. Tavvy took Emma’s hand and pulled her along, babbling about how his missing teeth and his new friends.

“Me and my friend Rafe are both missing the same tooth,” Tavvy explained on their way to the car, and Emma didn’t have to fake being invested in the seven year old’s news because she genuinely was. She’d missed Tavvy like she had missed all the Blackthorns, and probably could have sat listening to him talk for hours.

“Who’s Rafe?” Emma asked.

“Rafael,” Tavvy said. “He’s my new best friend. His bapak is going to be one of your teachers, I think,”

“Cool,” Emma said, she saw Julian glance over his shoulder at her, giving her a look that was a silent conversation in itself. Sometimes Emma wondered if she and Julian could genuinely read each other’s minds, because it sure felt like that sometimes. Their conversation was something like;

_Seven years olds, am I right?_

_Shut up Jules! I’m trying to listen._

Emma continued listening to Tavvy’s chatter until they reached the car. Being the only one of them old enough to drive, Mark sat in the drivers seat. Ty sat next to him in the passengers seat, wearing a hoodie almost the same shade of gray as his eyes. Unlike Julian’s, Ty’s hair hadn’t grown out as much. Maybe he’d gotten Livvy or Julian to cut it. Emma wasn’t surprised. Ty liked things neat and tidy; it was something that made him Ty.

“Emma,” Ty said in greeting, a shy smile appearing on his face. Ty wasn’t as physically affectionate as the rest of his family, but getting a smile from him was enough to make Emma beam. “It’s good to have you back,”

“I missed you too, Ty,” Emma said, turning her attention to Mark who was getting out of the car to hug Emma. When he did, Emma saw that ha hadn’t grown as drastically as Julian had. He was still tall, but he’d grown in a different way. He was less lanky, and less pale than the last time Emma had seen him. Emma knew that Mark was almost as new to England and she was; he’d only arrived a few days prior to her. Wherever he’d been must have been good for his health, because he’d never looked better. Emma recalled Julian mentioning something about a boyfriend over brief text messages.

After hugging Mark and putting her bags in the boot of the car, Emma climbed into the car. She’d hoped to get sitting beside Julian, but the back row of the seven seater would have been cramped enough with two small children let alone two almost seventeen year olds, so Julian sat in behind Ty and beside Livvy, while Emma sat in the very back beside Tavvy, who continued taking about his latest discoveries and his new bedroom in England.

“Julian told me the tooth fairy came last night, and that’s why I woke up with two pound under my pillow. Is that true, Emma?” Tavvy asked, looking at Emma with a look so serious and trusting it was comical. She nodded.

“Definitely,” She replied, reaching over to ruffle Tavvy’s dark brown waves. Julian turned around to smile at her again, and this time she noticed the bags under his eyes. He looked almost as exhausted as she felt, but there was something under that too. Concerned, Emma gave him a worried look, but he’d already turned around. Something was up, Emma was almost certain.

There was no point trying to talk about it to Julian now, in front of all his siblings. Emma made a mental note to figure out was was bothering him. Later, she promised herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you made it this far, thank you for reading chapter three of my fic! i really hope you liked it. this chapter was a lot longer than both the first chapters, and i hope you liked that it wasn’t short. we still have lots of tda characters to meet, so don’t worry if your still waiting for your favs. again, thank you for reading, there will be an update as soon as i get time to write the next chapter :) thanks, el


	4. And Where Thou Lodgest, I Will Lodge

If Emma planned on getting any sleep on the drive from the airport to the Blackthorns new home, she didn’t. Not that she minded. Tavvy talked the whole journey, with inputs from Dru, Ty, Livvy, Mark and Julian. He ranted about how big their new house was, exaggerating greatly while Ty corrected him every so often. Tavvy would frown and make a face at his older brother, then continue back to his story.

The rest of the Blackthorns joined in on the chatter. Dru complained about the lack of cute boys, while Livvy argued that she saw a cute boy the other day, whom she was sure would be going to school with them. Dru roller her eyes and reminded Livvy that that didn’t make much of a difference if the guy was Livvy’s age. Mark just laughed and said something about his baby sisters being too young for dating anyways. Emma jumped at the opportunity to ask Mark about his own love life. There was only one year between Mark and Emma and Julian, but until recently Mark had always seemed so much older. There had been a time when Emma and Julian would have teased Mark about his love life, now Emma just wanted to know if her friend was happy with someone.

“What about you Mark?” Emma asked. “Who’s this mystery girlfriend or boyfriend you’re not telling us about?”

Mark laughed, but Emma saw a faint blush on his pale cheek that reminded her of red paint against one of Julian’s canvas’. There was a twinkle in Mark’s eyes; they looked so full of fondness. No, Emma corrected herself. Not fondness, love. Mark was in love.

“His name is Kieran,” Mark informed Emma. “He’s actually from Ireland, but he’s boarding at the school this year-,”

“And Mark hasn’t shut up about it!” Livvy exclaimed. “Kieran this, and Kieran that! Honestly Emma, it is so annoying-,”

“Stop making fun of your brother, Livia,” Julian said, but then he rolled his eyes and smiled as if to say; it’s true, Mark hasn’t shut up about his new boyfriend for the whole past two days. Mark blushed scarlet.

The banter in the car was the same as they got further and further from the city and deeper into the countryside. Emma knew the school was a little into the countryside, but it was still strange to be in such a drastic change of scenery. She had grown up in the desert her whole life. The green fields and light rain weren’t things Emma was used to.

Still, there was nowhere else Emma would have rather been at that moment. Being surrounded by the Blackthorns again and slipping back into their regularly rhythm had made Emma feel happier than she had since they had announced they were leaving. Being surrounded by them almost made her forget that she’d miss her parents, and that she’d be starting a new school, and Cameron’s awful phone call...

Just bringing those thoughts into her mind brought a sense of unease to Emma. She glanced out the window, trying desperately to let her thoughts wander to something better. Better thoughts, like spending the year with Julian and being with her best friend again.

Julian seemed unusually quiet for the rest of the car ride; adding to Emma’s worry for him. How had she not noticed the invisible weight on his shoulders and the tiredness hidden in his face? She wondered if he was thinking the same thing as her. She just wanted some time alone with him. Some time together after so long apart. She hoped he wanted the same.

As soon as the car passed the actual school grounds and headed up the lane towards the Blackthorn’s new house, Emma wondered if there had been any point in Ty correcting Tavvy’s exaggerations. The house was huge; more a mansion, really. Julian had told her something about the house being hundreds of years old, passed down through the generations of Blackthorns and eventually being owned by the school to house the principles, which somehow still often happened to be Blackthorns. Julian’s uncle Arthur had been the last, but after years and years of teaching he decided to step down and retire. Emma knew Julian didn’t know his uncle very well, but from Christmas’ and occasional family gatherings he knew that Arthur had some similarities toAndrew. They were similar in looks and in interests; both being teachers and obsessed with the classics.

As Emma took her suitcases out of the boot with help from Mark, she got a proper look at the house. Up close, it looked bigger than ever. Vines creeped up the walls like the thorns on sleeping beauties castle. It did look a little like a castle. Engraved in the stone were the words “Blackthorn Hall,”. Emma hauled her suitcase up the front steps, following the rest of the Blackthorns inside.

The first thing Emma noticed was Andrew Blackthorns absence. When Emma went over to Julian’s house in LA, Andrew would be the first she saw almost every single day. Now, he was no where to be seen.

The second thing Emma saw was the staircase; it looked like something out of a storybook, like the steps Cinderella made her grand entrance to the ball on. The house didn’t look half as rustic on the outside and had obviously been well taken care of. Paintings of previousPrinciples were hung on the walls. Almost all of them were Blackthorns. Emma read the names inscribed below each of the paintings. Tatiana, Jesse, Lucie, Marjorie, Arthur and many more.

“Let me help you with those, Em,” Julian offered, taking one of her bags from her before she could reply. She nearly jumped. It had been the first time he’d talked since the car ride. She wanted to speak to him, preferably alone, but Mark ushered her and the rest of the Blackthorns into the kitchen before she could even suggest the idea of a private conversation.

“Don’t ruin my kitchen!” Julian called from the foyer, before coming into the kitchen. Emma arched a brow at him.

“ _Your_ kitchen? Since when do you cook?” Emma asked, recalling times Emma had asked Julian to bring her as little as a bowl of soup and him protesting.

“I’ve learned a few recipes,” Julian said calmly. He shrugged as the words escaped him. “Besides, I like the uniform,” He gestured towards an apron. It had kittens on it. Emma suppressed a smile.

“He makes the best pancakes, Emma,” Livvy insisted, enthusiasm in her tone as always. “Honestly, he should have started cooking years ago,”

If it were anyone else, Emma might have argued that pancakes weren’t that hard to make. All it took was butter, flour and milk. Maybe sugar if you were feeling fancy. But this was Julian. Emma liked to see him getting praised, even if it was on his pancake making ability.

The kitchen was as nice as the rest of the house, and the Blackthorns gathered around the island asking Emma questions and telling stories of their time in England so far. They asked Emma what LA was like without them, and after jokingly saying there wasn’t much of a difference she confessed she’d missed them a lot. Livvy gave her a tight hug.

Despite all the talk about Julian’s cooking, they ordered pizza for dinner. It took a while for it to come; the delivery man claimed to have gotten lost a few times, but after it finally arrived, the Blackthorns plus Emma gathered around the table to play a game of monopoly. It wasn’t long until they had settled back into their old ways. Emma went bankrupt first. Livvy teamed up with Tavvy so he wouldn’t feel left out. Dru was doing pretty well, until Mark send her to jail. Ty was in the lead for most of the game. He was smart with his money and property choices, but Julian’s schemes got the better of him. As usual, Julian won. By the end of the game, the group had somehow ended up talking about what houses they would be placed in at Hogwarts. Emma couldn’t even remember how monopoly had lead to that conversation.

“I’m not sure what I’d be. I haven’t taken the quiz,” Ty said.

“You’d be Ravenclaw, Ty-Ty,” Livvy said, as lovingly as she always did when she spoke to her twin. “Or Gryffindor,”

“I’d be Gryffindor, I think,” Mark said. “You too, Emma,”

“Maybe I’d be Ravenclaw,” Julian suggested.

“Judging by the way you play monopoly, you’d be Slytherin,” Emma chided him, earning a light smack on the arm from him.

“Right, I think it’s time for bed. All of us. Emma, you must be exhausted,” Julian gave her a look of concern. She could have argued, pointing out that he looked just as tired as her, but she _was_ exhausted. “We have registration tomorrow, and even though Emma’s the only one boarding, we promised dad we’d help,”

This earned a few groans from a few his younger siblings, but Julian had a point. Tavvy had already curled up on his lap and fallen asleep. As the others got up to leave, Emma stepped towards Julian, making one last attempt to talk to him before they both went to sleep and were caught up in the hustle bustle of registration day tomorrow. She traced the words lightly on his arm; something they had learned to do with each other years ago.

C-a-n i t-a-l-k t-o y-o-u-?

He turned around and nodded, then gestured to Tavvy and gave her a look that said he’d put him to bed first. He indicated for her to follow, and Emma was grateful because otherwise she would have gotten lost in the maze that was the Blackthorn’s new house.

Emma followed Julian as he carried Tavvy up the stairs and the rest of the Blackthorns scattered. Ty went to his room, which was opposite Livvy’s (no surprise there). Dru went to hers, and Emma could see just enough of the room to tell that Dru had already hung up all her movie posters. Mark’s room was at the end of the hall, opposite what would be Helen’s when she came home the next day. Julian’s was opposite Tavvy’s.

Tavvy’s room was what any seven year old would have loved. Like all the bedrooms, it had a bathroom attached, but Emma doubted that made much of a difference to Tavvy. There were bookshelves on the walls filled with Tavvy’s favourites. His toy cars and stuffed animals were scattered across the room, and his bedclothes were the ones he’d brought from LA. They were decorated with Spongebob characters. What really made the room out of the ordinary was the walls. They were painted by Julian, lovely and colourful. The scene was a jungle, with all of Tavvy’s current favourite animals. Tigers, Lion, Pandas and more. Emma loved Julian’s paintings always, and this was no different.

Julian tucked Tavvy in, and lead Emma away from the room, gesturing for her to be silent until the door was closed.

They walked to his room in comfortable silence. Emma gazed around his room. It felt strange to call it that, because the room Emma called Julian’s was back home in LA. She knew that room almost as well as she knew her own. Julian had taken all his belongings to England with him, save a few t-shirts and hoodies Emma had stolen. Emma spotted a few familiar objects; sketches that he’d ripped from his sketchbook were stuck on the wall, as were portraits of his siblings and the LA coast. Emma could make out faint pencil marks on the walls and immediately knew it was a sketch of what would soon be a painting that covered the walls.

When the door was closed, he folded his arms and looked at Emma.

“What are you planning on painting?” Emma asked, curious as to which of Julian’s many ideas would be featured on his bedroom wall.

“Home,” Julian replied, with a wistful tone. “LA. I guess here is home now, but a piece of me will always be in LA,”

Emma nodded, a little glad Julian still thought of LA as home. It meant he had been thinking about it, and if he had been thinking about LA, he had been thinking about her.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” He asked, but as he talked Emma felt the exhaustion creep up on her. She tried to ignore it. She wanted to talk to Jules. She needed to get to the point.

“I missed you,” She blurted out, missing the point altogether. She could help it. It was like the feeling of missing him had bundled up inside her, forming an emotion she couldn’t explain. Now, being around Julian was making her jumpy and excited. Her stomach was full of what could have been butterflies, but Emma shrugged it off as something else. Butterflies were caused by cute boys Emma liked. Julian was her best friend, not a butterfly bringer.

“I missed you too,” Julian said, though it came out more like a sigh of relief, like his emotions were bursting out in the form of words. Something inside Emma felt strange. She wanted to go to him, but he was only about a foot away from her. She wanted to be as close to him as possible. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him close and never plan on letting go. It was a sensation Emma could not explain.

Probably just the overwhelming feeling of being together after so long. Wanting a hug from your best friend wasn’t a crime.

Luckily, Emma barely had to hold out her arms for Julian to take a step forward and hug her. The feeling was so familiar and comforting Emma could have cried. He smelled of cloves and soap, and Emma decided that this was now her favourite smell. For years, Emma always thought that the smell of home was the scent of the ocean breeze and salt. She was now being proven wrong. Home smelled like cloves and soap. Like Julian.

Emma and Julian had been best friends their whole lives. They weren’t awkward when it came to physical touch. Friendly taps on the shoulder or playful banter initiated smacks on the arm were common. They’d held hands often as children; Emma had countless memories of Julian holding her hand as she attempted to ride his skateboard, and of Julian pulling her up from the ground after she became over confident and scraped her knees on the tarmac. They’d fallen asleep on each other’s shoulders while watching movies. Julian came from a big family that resulted in little space on the couch, so they’d been squashed together with their legs overlapping.

This was different. Sure, they’d hugged before. When Emma wasn’t busy upholding her heartbreaker reputation, she was a hugger. There was a side of her the rare few saw. The side of her that let down her guard. Julian was her best friend; of course she’d hugged him before. They’d hugged like she’d hugged Dru and Mark and Livvy. Without giving it a second thought.

But now, here she was, in Julian’s arms. In the one place she’d always known she be safe, and yet there was a nagging at the back of her mind. Almost like someone was telling Emma this was wrong; like she shouldn’t feel so strongly about a simple hug. Like she shouldn’t be relying on this to feel content. There was a voice ripping through her thoughts; Cameron’s, of all people. His words pierced through her, almost driving her mad.

_You don’t care about anyone but yourself, and maybe Julian Blackthorn._

When Julian pulled away, Emma’s mind jumped to the worst conclusion. She might not of known what she was feeling, but maybe he’d picked up on her acting strange. She hadn’t shown any signs that were out of the ordinary, but with Julian she didn’t usually need to. Maybe she’d weirded him out. The panic almost made Emma jump.

Jules wasn’t looking at her. In fact, he had turned away from her completely, as if looking her pained him.

“Jules?” Emma half whispered, and as soon as she said it she wondered if he’d even heard it. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, Emma, I’m okay,” He turned back around, a faint smile on his lips, but it didn’t reassure Emma. Emma was a master at hiding her emotions, but Julian was a master at faking them. “Can we rain check? You must be exhausted. I completely forgot the time difference. I’m-,”

“It’s okay,” Emma interrupted before Julian could throw anymore blame onto himself. She was exhausted, and fatigue was beginning to mess with her head. Tonight she was staying at the Blackthorns’ house, but tomorrow she’d be moving into the dorms with a roommate she hadn’t met yet. Not tonight though. Tonight, she got to stay with Julian.

The house was huge, but Emma half hoped she wouldn’t have to sleep in an empty spare room. She was so exhausted she just wanted to collapse on the nearest surface and sleep.

“There’s a spare room made up for you,” Julian said, his voice low. “But if you want you can-,”

“Stay?” Emma asked. Her expression must have been pleading. A smile played on Julian’s lips.

“There’s a t-shirt in the bathroom, along with a spare toothbrush, because I know for a fact that you overpacked and spent an hour trying to close your suitcase,”

“And the Nobel prize for worlds best friend, best male and best human goes to Julian Blackthorn,” Emma announced, reaching up to ruffle his already messy hair before dashing into the bathroom to change. When she was done, Julian took his turn in the bathroom. Emma wanted to say goodnight to him when he emerged, but as soon as she crawled under the covers and rested her head on the pillow, tiredness took over. Emma was asleep before Julian had finished brushing his teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you so much for reading the latest chapter of my fanfiction! we are slowly but surely getting into the story, and in the next few chapters more characters will be introduced, like Cristina, Kieran, Helen and possibly Aline (yay!), and some not so amazing characters like miss Zara (boo!). i hope you have enjoyed this story so far. leave a comment letting me know what you think! thanks, el


	5. Thy People Shall Be My People

Emma wasn’t a morning person. She never had been. Julian wasn’t really one either, but he could down a coffee and run off caffeine initiated energy. When Julian’s alarm rang, Emma groaned and he quickly switched it off. Emma turned to her side and buried her faced in her pillow, while she heard Julian get up to shower.

School started the next day, so today would be a day of Emma helping the Blackthorns and teachers sort the new students into their boarding houses. She knew she wasn’t obliged to help the Blackthorns, but they were doing it as a favour to their dad and Emma would have preferred to spend as much time with them as possible. Even Emma, as fearless and confident as she tried to be, was nervous to start a new school. 

She heard the shower stop and Julian step out, and took that as her cue to open her eyes in attempt to wake herself up. As she heard him rummage around the bathroom brushing his teeth and whatnot, she stumbled out of bed still half asleep to get dressed. She didn’t want to unpack her case. She didn’t trust herself to be able to close it again if she opened it. Instead she pulled on a pair of jeans that she’d packed in her backpack because she’d known she wouldn’t be bothered to unpack her case, and borrowed one of Julian’s pullovers. When he came out of the bathroom, his dark hair still wet and dripping onto his t-shirt, he gave Emma an exasperated look.

“What? It’s way comfier than any of mine and I’m not digging into my suitcase. Besides,” Emma added. “I haven’t gotten to steal any of your hoodies in months,”

“Oh yeah,” Julian said. He rolled his eyes, but to Emma’s happiness it wasn’t an affection-less gesture. “What about my blue hoodie? And my big t-shirt?”

“I stole those months ago. You could have sent me a text and told me to post them if you were really upset about it,” Emma reminded him. There was a faint smile on his face, but not too faint as to hide his dimples. Emma had missed those dimples. “And you can’t stay mad at me. You’ve been trying for years. Your failed attempts amuse me,”

“I guess I can’t. But I can do this,” Julian reaches onto the bed, picked up a pillow and chucked it at Emma. Caught by surprise, she didn’t have time to dodge. Julian grinned. “Come downstairs when you’re ready,”

Still huffed by Julian’s pillow attack, Emma stomped into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. Her sulk didn’t last long. Somehow, she still felt excited and jittery from being around Julian. She hadn’t expected the momentum to last so long. Somehow her jitters felt like nerves, but instead of making her cower they were fuelling her with a new type of energy. As she looked in the mirror after washing her face, Emma realised now that her braids were a mess. She wondered if she’d looked like a madwoman seconds ago in the bedroom with Julian, what with her messy hair and ecstatic energy. The thought made Emma blush furiously. Probably just regular embarrassment.

She took her plaits out, letting her blond hair come loose around her. It reached past her elbows and fell around her waist. Emma took pride in her hair; it had taken so long to get to the length it was now. It was sun bleached from life in LA, and she wondered if being in England meant her hair would get darker. It was wavy from the braids. She ran her fingers through it to comb through the tangles.

When she’d made herself look somewhat presentable, Emma hurried out into the hall and made her way towards the kitchen. As soon as she was outside Julian’s room she almost crashed into Mark, who was looking absolutely exhausted but somewhat pleased with himself. Emma could almost feel the smugness radiating off of him.

“Someone was up on the phone to their boyfriend all night,” Emma teased as they entered the kitchen. Mark smirked at her, and Emma could sense him trying to come up with a clap back.

“Someone spent the night in my little brothers room,” Mark snapped, and with a terrifying realisation Emma realised they were both in the middle of the kitchen. Emma, who was mid taking a seat at the dining table and Julian, who was flipping pancakes on the stove, both blushed red at Marks words. Emma couldn’t understand why she had reacted that way to Marks joke. Her and Julian had been tolerating jokes like that their whole lives. Maybe it was just the fact that it came from Mark, and Emma had supposed she’d asked for it by teasing Mark about his own life.

Tavvy, who was still in his Marvel Superhero pyjamas, looked puzzled.

“What’s wrong with Emma having a sleepover?” He asked. Emma ruffled his hair and kissed the top of his head as he squirmed and giggled, but she didn’t answer the question. Instead she turned her attention to Julian and his pancake making. She was moody and tired, but she couldn’t help smile at Julian. His head was bent over the stove, and he wore an apron that was pink with kittens on it. His hair was still damp from the shower, and his cheeks were flushed. He looked utterly focused on the pancakes he was flipping.

Ty entered the room next, followed by Livvy. Both twins were dressed and ready for the day. Livvy wore a collared sweatshirt and jeans, while Ty wore a zippy hoodie with a black t-shirt underneath. Ty smiled when he saw Julian making pancakes, and matched Livvy’s enthusiasm as they both bounced over to the dining table. Julian placed a pancake on each of their plates and promised Emma hers was next.

“Where’s Drusilla?” Emma asked.

“She probably stayed up all night watching horror movies,” Julian called from the stove. “Best to let her have a lie in while she can, what with school starting tomorrow. Besides, with the five of us and the teachers there’s way more than enough help. There isn’t even that many boarders. Mostly just the international students,”

Conversation continued throughout breakfast. There was a debate about the best pancake toppings; Emma and Julian both insisting that Nutella was the best, while Livvy argued that sugar and lemon was the way to go. Tavvy made quite the argument that he should be aloud infinite toppings on his pancakes but Julian reminded his baby brother that too much sugar would rot his teeth. Not wanting to disappoint the tooth fairy, Tavvy stuck with his maple syrup.

Emma was pleasantly surprised by Julian’s cooking skills. Livvy had been correct; they were amazing. Not too sweet or thin. They were light and fluffy and not at all sickening.

“I’ve been practicing for two months,” Julian said when he noticed Emma’s pleased expression.

After breakfast, the group finally left for the school. Dru was woken up so that she could keep an eye on Tavvy. Mark had insisted they walk to the school as it wasn’t too far away. Helen was going to be at the school. She had just landed in England with her girlfriend, Aline, who was teaching, and had decided to go straight to the school so that Aline could mingle with the teachers. Helen, who was still in her last year of University, would be doing her work experience in the school too.

“Helen!” Livvy exclaimed as she ran to hug her sister. The following minutes were a blur of the Blackthorns reuniting with their sister, and Emma hanging back a little shyly so as to give them space. That was until Helen, after hugging all of her siblings, pushed past the crowd to give Emma a bear hug.

Aline seemed cool enough. She was a little shorter than Helen, and as dark as Helen was fair. Her eyes were a deeper shade of brown than Emma’s, and her short hair was jet black. Emma noticed both Julian and Mark sizing her up as if they were mentally checking if Aline ticked all the boxes for Helen.

Mr Blackthorn came forward, and hugged his eldest daughter. He greeted Emma briefly along with his own children, as if he’d seen her an hour ago and not two months ago. Usually he’d be welcoming and chatty. This was not the case now. He introduced the Blackthorns and Emma to a few of the teachers and returned back to his office.

_No wonder Julian looks exhausted_ , Emma thought to herself. By the neutral and slightly annoyed expressions on the kids faces, this wasn’t a new thing. For the past two months, Julian had been the one looking after the kids. Mark and Helen hadn’t been around to help him. 

Annoyed at herself for not knowing about the burden of responsibility that must have been on Julian’s shoulders for the past two months, Emma tried to distract herself. She didn’t have to try too hard, because moment later a few of the teachers came over to introduce themselves to Aline, Helen and the rest of the Blackthorns.

Emma only remembered a few of the teacher’s names; she’d have Mr Herondale for music and PE, Mr Bane for history, Aline would be her English teacher, and Mr Dearborn for Maths.

“I’ve got Miss Fray for art,” Julian told Emma. “She’s supposed to be good,”

Emma was a little annoyed. She hadn’t heard any good things about her teachers so far save Aline, but Helen was slightly biased.

The next few hours were a blur of Emma and Julian helping the teachers when it came to showing students their boarding houses and carrying luggage. Julian made an effort to be polite and make friends; he told Emma it would be helpful to have a few friends in certain classes incase either of them ever needed help, but Emma only picked up a few names and faces. She was too nervous about what her own roommate would be like to think about making friends.

Eventually, the dreaded moment came when the majority of the boarders were in their houses and Emma’s help was no longer needed. She was sent to go find her own dorm.

“Hey,” Julian said, grabbing her hand as she turned to go to her dorm. Judging by the look on his face, he knew she was nervous. Julian never missed a beat. “You’ll be fine. I’ll call up in a while to make sure you’re okay,”

“Thank you, Jules,” Emma said, exhaling as if she could breathe out her nerves. “But I’m pretty sure boys aren’t aloud anywhere near the girls rooms,”

Julian grinned and Emma felt a tug at her heart. She suppressed the urge to smile back at him. For some reason, she felt like she should hide it. Then for a millisecond, she wondered why she thought she should hide it.

“I’m the headmasters son,” Julian said. “I’ll just say that my dad sent me to make sure our dear family friend is settled into her room alright,”

“Huh. Well, if England hasn’t changed you and you’re still the mischievous Julian I know and love, you’ll be playing the _my dads the headmaster_ card a lot this year,” Emma exclaimed, before turning around and making her way to the dorms.

When she got to her room, there was no one there. Her name was on the door along with another.

_Emma Carstairs and Cristina Rosales_.

In an attempt to shake her worry about getting a crappy roommate, Emma decided to make herself busy. She eyed her suitcase, practically glaring at it. After spending so long to try and close it, she would have to open it. She sighed, and began to open the suitcase. She pulled the zipper. Halfway towards the suitcase being opened, it stuck.

Emma grunted as she tried to pull the jammed zipper and open her suitcase. Emma prided herself on being decently strong and athletic. However, her athletic abilities did nothing to help her open the case. She continued to struggle. She tugged and tugged the zip, desperate to get her case open. Eventually, her efforts payed off. Unfortunately for Emma, she pulled the case with such force it came flying off the bed. Emma flopped down on the ground, surrounded by all her clothes.

The door opened a second later. Emma heard a gasp as her new roommate examined the mess.

“Díos mío- do you need some help?”

Emma turned to see her new roommate, Cristina Rosales. She had long brown hair and tan brown skin, and Emma was immediately struck by how pretty she was. She wore a pink jumper and a pencil skirt, making her look exceptionally neat. Her eyes were dark brown and shining as if she were trying not to laugh.

Emma scrambled to her feat.

“I- I’m not always this messy,” Emma promised. “My case- it was jammed and, well..,”

Cristina gave a warm smile, and Emma gave a short laugh.

“It’s okay,” Cristina assured Emma. She held out her hand. “I’m Cristina,”

“Emma Carstairs,” Emma replied, shaking the other girls hand. It was as if a silent alliance had already been formed.

“Nice to meet you, Emma,” Cristina said. All of Emma’s concerns disappeared. She could tell she was going to like this girl. “Let’s get cleaned up,”

Like Emma had predicted, she did like Cristina. They talked while Emma tidied and Cristina unpacked. Emma told Cristina about how she was from LA and how she was boarding here to spend the school year with her best friend. Cristina told Emma about how she was from Mexico, and was here to improve her English (though Emma could see no flaw in it). She also had a best friend in their year at the school, and a boyfriend, Diego, in the year above.

“Wow,” Emma teased. “Tell me all about this Perfect Diego,”

“That’s what my mother calls him,” Cristina grumbled, but there was a shy smile on her face. “How about you? Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No,” Emma said mechanically, the same way she had when people brought up Cameron in conversations. She reminded herself that Cristina had no idea who Cameron was. “I just broke up with a guy, actually. He’s back in LA,”

“Just as well,” Cristina suggested. “Maybe you’ll meet some nice British guy,”

“Maybe,” Emma replied, but the idea didn’t seem to likely for some reason. After her phone call with Cameron, the thought of boys made her sick. “Aren’t we supposed to be at the dining hall in fifteen minutes?”

The two finished unpacking and left for the dining hall, chatting along the way. Emma wanted to talk to Julian, and to tell him that she was happy with her roommate. She knew she wouldn’t see him at dinner as only boarders would be there. If he was true to his word, he would swing by the dorms later.

The dining hall was as old as the rest of the school, though Emma hoped the food would be up to date. The setting reminded Emma vaguely of Hogwarts, thought instead of four long rectangular tables there were multiple circular tables scattered around the hall. Emma and Cristina weren’t late, but they were some of the last to arrive. This meant that none of the tables were free, and that they’d have to mingle with some of their fellow classmates.

“You have to make friends, Emma,” Cristina chided as soon as Emma complained about it.

“I have friends,” Emma grumbled. “I have you, and Mark, and-,”

“And your Julian, I know,” Cristina continued, a friendly smirk playing at her lips. “You’ve mentioned your Julian multiple times in the past two hours that I’ve known you,”

Emma felt her cheeks grow hot, though she couldn’t understand why.

“He’s not _my_ Julian-,”

“Attention students!” A voice called, and Emma followed the voice to the head table at the front of the hall, where a few of the teachers sat, reminding Emma of Hogwarts once again. She tracked the voice to Mr Blackthorn. It felt weird seeing him as a Headmaster and not a family friend. This man had seen Emma when she’d been running around in My Little Pony pyjamas and playing barbies with Livvy. “If you could take your seats please,”

Cristina took Emma’s hand and dragged her over to one of the tables. At the table sat two boys; both with brown hair, one with glasses. There were also two girls, heads bent together whispering.

Mr Blackthorn made a quick speech about rules in the boarding house, classes, timetables, and extra activities. Even after a full nights sleep, Emma’s jet lag was starting to creep up on her. She was in a daze for half the speech, until Mr Blackthorn said something about dinner and Emma immediately came back to earth.

After going up to the canteen and getting dinner, Emma returned to the table and sat beside Cristina, who was already chatting to the other kids at the table.

“Everyone, this is my roommate, Emma,” Cristina said, and Emma wondered how Cristina had made friends so quickly. “Emma, this is-,”

“George Lovelace,” The boy without glasses smiled at Emma, and Emma could already tell this boy was going to be the main topic of conversation in the girls dormitories tonight. He had warm brown eyes and a sweet smile. His was athletic looking and cute. He seemed to be the type of guy that was undoubtedly gorgeous, and Emma didn’t understand why she didn’t care. Here she was, with the perfect opportunity to flirt with a cute British guy and she didn’t care. No butterflies whatsoever. “This is my roomie, Simon,” he gestured to the boy on his left, who gave Emma a thumbs up instead of speaking which she appreciated because he had his mouth full of the roll he was eating.

“I’m Julie,” Julie said. She then gestured to the girl beside her. They seemed to be good friends. “This is Beatriz,”

“Nice to meet you guys,” Emma started. “So I’m guessing you guys are from here? I mean, I’m just guessing from your accents,”

“Yeah,” Julie said, answering for herself and for Beatriz.

“I’m Scottish, actually,” George said with a mouthful of food. Emma was beginning to hear the accent.

“I’m American,” Simon spoke for the first time, and Emma was about to make a joke about both of them being American when he made it for her. “Guess we got to stick together then, huh? Where are you from? LA?”

“Yep,” Emma replied, becoming more relaxed by the second. The conversation continued like that; easy and casual. She felt her worry disappear and her anticipation grow. Julian would be happy to hear she made friends.

She got to know the group a little better. George was Scottish and an absolute sweetheart, Simon turned out to be a pretty funny guy, Julie came off a little snobby, but as the half hour went on she turned out to be pretty sweet and even told Emma and Cristina to come by her and Beatriz’s dorm for food anytime. Between her and Beatriz, the two had brought crisps and sweets galore.

After dinner, the group ended up having to run back to the boarding house, due to the lashing rain. The feeling of relief was still fresh in Emma’s mind, so even the weather couldn’t ruin her good mood.

Things only got better when she saw Julian running to the boarding house from the opposite direction, clearly coming from his own house. He had had the sense to wear a coat over his hoodie unlike Emma, who’s pullover was now soaked and sticking to her skin.

Emma ran ahead of the group to greet Julian. He had both the hood on his hoodie and his jacket pulled up, but his Emma could still see the water droplets in his brown hair. He grinned when he saw her, but somehow gave her a disapproving glance simultaneously and began to fuss over her.

“You’re going to catch a cold, Em,” He said, taking off his coat and putting it around Emma’s shoulders before she could even begin to protest. His hair was soaked by now, but instead of looking like a wet rat he looked actually looked kind of cute. Not that Emma noticed of course, though she did find it unfair that he could look good while she probably _did_ look like a wet rat. She shivered and turned around to introduce her new friends to Jules.

It was only then that she realised they were already looking. Simon was a little awkward, his gaze switching from George, to Emma, and then back to his shoelaces. George looked disappointed, but not so much that he would lose sleep over it. Cristina was smiling slightly, giving an Emma a look that Emma could somehow read even though she’d only known Cristina a few hours.

_So this is Julian, the look seemed to say._

Julie looked starstruck. Beatriz looked like she was trying to suppress a giggle.

“Uh, everyone,” Emma started, clearing her throat. “This is Julian. Julian, this is everyone,”

“I told you you’d make friends,” Julian muttered under his breath purposely so that only Emma would hear, and then raised his voice so that everyone could hear. “Uh, hi,”

The next few minutes consisted of Julian meeting the whole gang. Julie and Beatriz said shy hellos and continued to giggle and whisper, which irritated Emma a little for some reason that to her was a mystery. Cristina was as polite as ever, and Emma was glad to see that her and Julian weren’t awkward. She liked Cristina, and having her get along with Julian would make keeping her around a lot easier. Simon introduced himself to Julian somewhat awkwardly, while George, being the sweetheart he was, went straight in for the weird hug and pat on the back thing that guys often do.

“You pick good friends,” Julian noted quietly to Emma as they walked into the boarding house. The two of them walked behind the rest of the group as they entered the common room. Boys and girls weren’t aloud into each other’s rooms, but they could gather in the common room. It was a simple space with a couch, a coffee table, a few desks and a few beanbags. The fire was lit, and Emma was grateful for its warmth.

“I’m amazing like that,” Emma joked. Julian smiled, and Emma couldn’t help smiling back.

“So, Julian,” Simon flopped onto the couch while George passed him a Coke from the mini fridge. “The Headmasters son. What’s that like?”

“Simon!” George scolded. “You can’t just ask people what it’s like to the Headmasters son!”

“It’s okay,” Julian said. “I mean, I don’t really know yet. I guess we’ll see when school starts,”

“You kind of look like him,” Beatriz remarked, examining Julian in a way that made Emma’s skin crawl for some reason. “Mr Blackthorn, I mean. Except hotter, and without the wrinkles,”

Simon choked on his Coke. George patted him on the back. Julian was smiling sheepishly, his face the same shade of red as Simons Coke can. Julie was making an attempt not to laugh, and as a result looked like she was suffocating.

The group split up a little while later. George and Simon went to their dorms on the bottom floor, while the girls went to theirs on the top. Julian walked Emma to her and Cristina’s room. Cristina entered the room, while Emma waited outside to talk to Julian. She leaned against the closed door as he faced her. She was happy to see him looking lighter than he had yesterday. He still looked a little tired, but Helen and Mark being home seemed to have lifted a little of the weight off of him. Emma was still mad at herself for not having known how hard the past two months must have been for him. He’d had to look after all his siblings and help them get settled in a new country. Part of her knew that she had had to have been in LA. She still had parents there that she needed to see. The other part of her ignored all logic and wished she’d been there to help Julian.

“Jules,” Emma said, her voice softer than usual. She didn’t trust that the walls were thick enough to keep her and Julian’s conversation private from her hall mates. “Are you okay?”

Though Julian seemed better than he had the day before, Emma wasn’t going to trust her judgement. She was going to make sure he was okay. Julian looked at her, his blue green eyes thoughtful and hard to read. He was looking at Emma in a way she couldn’t explain. She was certain he’d never looked at her like this before. Maybe she just hadn’t noticed until now. Maybe she hadn’t cared.

“I’m okay, Emma,” Julian said, touching Emma’s shoulder lightly, his deep blue eyes a little concerned. “Are you okay? Are you happy here?” Emma let out a small breathe of relief.

“I’m happy if you’re happy,” She said simply, not quite realising the weight of her words until she’d said them. With a slight pang, she realised how much she’d meant it. If Julian was okay, she could be okay too, almost like their emotions mirrored each other.

“Cristina seems nice,” Julian offered, changing the course of the conversation.

“Oh, Jules, she is,” Emma began to ramble. “She’s so sweet, but not in an annoying way, like we can still joke about things. Oh my god, my suitcase exploded and she walked in on me it was an interesting way to mee-,”

“Your suitcase exploded?” Julian asked, his mouth quirking upwards. “Last I checked, suitcases don’t just explode-,”

“Yes, my suitcase exploded and there was underwear everywhere, it was very funny, you may laugh. Anyways, Cristina’s great. She was telling me about Mexico and her bo-,”

“Hold on, did you just find a new best friend? You trying to get rid of me, Carstairs?”

“Unfortunately, Julian Blackthorn, you are stuck with me, like it or not,” Emma countered, and she found herself smiling up at him. _Up at him_ , she thought a little giddily. At first, she had thought she’d hate Julian being way taller than her. She’d been perfectly fine with just a couple of inches between them. Now, she didn’t really mind. It was kind of nice, actually. “Anyways, Cristina told me about her boyfriend. He’s in Mark’s year. His name is Perfect Diego,”

“Boyfriend?” Julian repeated, half asking a question, though Emma didn’t know why. It had never occurred to her that maybe Julian had liked Cristina. _Oh god_ , she thought. _He likes Cristina_. Emma suddenly felt stupid, then she chided herself for feeling that way. It wasn’t like she could have known. Her and Julian didn’t really talk about their love lives much. They seemed to talk about everything but that. It wasn’t her place to panic about who Julian may or may not have been interested in. 

Then why did it feel so weird?

“Yeah,” Emma said, her voice feeling strange to her own ears. “Weird, isn’t it? How everyone is dating now. Cristina, Mark-,”

“You’ve dated,” Julian said. His tone had changed. Emma didn’t recognise it. He wasn’t meeting her eyes. “Are you still with Cameron Ashdown?”

“No,” Emma replied, and the thought of Cameron immediately made her feel like getting sick. She silently felt sympathy for Cameron, who hadn’t really done anything other than given Emma a piece of the hard cold truth.

_You don’t care about anyone but yourself, and maybe Julian Blackthorn_.

“No,” Emma repeated. “I- uh, we broke up. What about you? Any mystery girls I’m not hearing about?”

Julian looked at her as if she’d just asked him if he was pregnant. He pressed a hand to her forehead as if checking for a temperature.

“Exploding suitcases and me with a mystery girl. You’re hallucinating. I told you you’d get a dose from the rain-,”

Emma swatted his arm away.

“Besides, it’s not like there’s anyone for me other- it’s not like there’s anyone for me at the moment,”

Just like that, it was as if the conversation had taken another turn. A solemn one, judging by the look on Julian’s face.

“Other than who, Jules?”

He flinched slightly, as if her words hurt him. Julian was a master of deception, but Emma could see past his calmness. Emma couldn’t help but feel anxious. Why did it matter to her who Julian liked? As long as it was someone that was good enough for him, she was happy.

Then again, this was Jules. Julian, the best thing in Emma’s life. There was so much good in him sometimes Emma wondered what she’d done to deserve a best friend like him. Some people thought Julian was too quiet or too perfect or too sneaky. Emma had never understood those people. When she saw Julian she saw the boy that always gave the best shells he’d find on the beach to Livvy or Dru or Tavvy. She saw the boy who gave her his jacket when she was cold, even if she hadn’t asked for it. She saw the boy that had so much patience with his younger siblings she wondered how he could do it. Emma wasn’t sure if there would ever be a girl good enough for Jules.

“Nothing,” He said. He yawned. “We have school tomorrow. It’s getting late. I’m not even supposed to be here. I should go,”

“Julian-,”

“Goodnight, Emma,”

He was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading the newest part of this fic! this chapter was a lot longer than the other chapters as i haven’t updated this fic in a while. thank you so much for reading, i hope you liked this chapter. feel free to leave feedback in the comments. thanks, el :)


	6. And Thy God My God

I messed up, Julian thought to himself for the fifth hundredth time between fleeing from Emma's room to the outside of the boarding house. It was lashing now, and Julian's hair was soaked from the pouring rain. He pulled the hood of his hoodie up, but it didn't do much good. Emma still had his coat and he wasn't about to go and ask for it back. He shuddered, and started home.

It was getting dark, and the rain clouds only made it darker. It was late, so Julian tried to hurry home. He had to put Tavvy to bed and make sure that Dru and the twins didn't stay up till all hours. Helen could have done it, but she'd been home for less than a day after being away all summer and Julian didn't want to place to much pressure on her, especially with her starting work experience tomorrow. If Julian was lucky, Mark would have bribed Tavvy with TV time and the youngest Blackthorn would at least be in his pyjamas.

Julian didn't even think his father being home was an option. He loved his dad like all kids loved their parents, but the past few months had been hectic and his dad hadn't seemed to be around for any of it. His dad had been so set on being prepared to take the position of headmaster and had been so caught up in getting everything organised for the school year that he seemed to have forgotten his children were also nervous about living in a new country and going to a new school. 

Julian had been the one who had had to take care of his siblings and help everyone unpack. He'd been the one to take Tavvy to the park so that he could make friends that would be in his new school. He had been the one to bring everyone back to school shopping. He'd learned how to cook and take care of his siblings by himself. He didn't want to bother his older siblings either; he knew that Mark was happy where he was, and Julian was glad his older brother had found someone he loved. It was the same situation with Helen, who had spent the summer with Aline after a stressful year of college. Julian loved both of his older siblings, but even though he wanted their help he was sure he could last two months without them. 

It wasn't like he hadn't known something like this would have happened when he moved to England. Deep down, Julian knew his father had never really been alright after his mother had died. Part of him knew that his dad had left LA because there were too many memories of his mom there, and that England had made things worse because there simply wasn't enough. 

The scary thing was that it wasn't his father that he was afraid he wouldn't be able to cope without. It wasn't Helen or Mark either. It had been weird without them, and a little lonely, but it wasn't when Helen left for college and Mark left for the summer that Julian had been the most terrified. It hadn't been when his dad became engrossed in his own work and didn't leave the school for a whole day either. It had been the fourth day that the Blackthorns had been in England.

The day had been busy. Julian had made sure everyone had eaten breakfast, lunch and dinner, he had finished helping Dru decorate her room with film posters, explored the ridiculously large garden that was in desperate need of gardening with Ty, and had started sketching Tavvy's wall. By the end of the day, he was exhausted.

His own room had been a mess. Situated at the end of the hall, Julian's room was a decent size and, like all the bedrooms in this ridiculously large house, had an en suite attached. The one thing that made his bedroom any different from the others in the house was the slanted roof, which Julian liked. There was a window seat at the end of the room, which reminded him of his old window seat in his old room. His wall was bare, but he already knew what he wanted to paint. Los Angeles was still his home, and always would be in a way. It reminded him of good things. It reminded him of learning how to paint with his mom and of surfing with Mark. It reminded him of skateboarding on late summer nights and of beach days with Emma. 

_Emma_. Thinking of painting and of Los Angeles made Julian think of her. He realised he'd gone the whole day without texting her, and the very idea was like a knife to the heart. It was eleven thirty, he had been about to go to bed and he hadn't checked in on Emma. He knew his panic was silly. He knew she would understand, and that she knew he'd been busy and would never even think to hold it against him. Though it was still day time in LA, Emma would know the time difference. Still, after moving to a new place and learning to cope without his older siblings, the fact that he went a whole day without a little Emma in his life scared him more than anything else.

* * *

“Are you okay, Emma?” Cristina asked from the other side of the room, where she was lying on her bed with her head in a book. Emma, who was still leaning against the door two minutes after closing it, was shaken out of her daze. She glanced up at Cristina and nodded, still not quite sure what had just happened. Her conversation with Jules had gone so wrong so fast, but maybe Emma was just overthinking. It was getting late, he was probably just tired and anticipating a good nights sleep before school the next day. 

Still, Emma knew Jules better than she knew anyone else in her life. If her instincts were telling her something was up, there probably was. Julian didn’t just storm off abruptly leaving Emma stranded for no reason. She must have said something to upset him. She replayed the conversation over and over again in her mind, and eventually decided that if he was still acting strange tomorrow then she would investigate further. Besides, it wasn’t like Julian to just storm off even when he was mad. Emma had always prided them on having a healthy friendship; when things were rough, they talked it out. Miscommunication wasn’t a common theme in their friendship.

Emma walked to her bed, and changed out of her wet clothes. She didn’t want to get a cold on her first full day in England. She took off Julian’s coat, and left it on the radiator in hopes that it would be dry for tomorrow. She assumed her and Cristina would have an early night due to school starting the next day, and so she changed into her pyjamas. Happy in her pyjama bottoms and tank top, Emma texted her mom who had been spamming her with messages for hours. Cordelia Carstairs had been eager to learn on her daughters time in England, seeing as she also lived there for a time. Emma texted her mom, and promised to ring both her parents the following day.

Luckily for Emma, the silence between her and Cristina as she typed on her phone and Cristina read her book was less awkward and more comfortable. Emma hadn’t had that many girl friends before; she had had Julian, and at times felt he was all she needed. It wasn’t as if she didn’t want to have friends that were girls, but she’d always had one friend that she was super close with. Having friends that she couldn’t be so casual around felt too draining. Somehow, her and Cristina had clicked so well that Emma didn’t feel drained at all.

“So,” Emma said finally, breaking the silence because she needed a distraction from her own thoughts. Hopefully Cristina wouldn’t mind chatting, and judging by the way she put her book down with no sign of annoyance whatsoever, she didn’t. “When do I get to meet Perfect Diego? Oh, and Jaime?”

Cristina smiled and blushed the way hopeless romantics tended to do at the mention of their significant others.

“Tomorrow,” Cristina replied brightly. “Their plane was delayed, so they only arrived a half hour ago. They might not even be in the boarding house yet,”

“Won’t they be exhausted for tomorrow?” Emma asked. “You know, because of all the travelling and stuff?”

“Probably,” Cristina agreed. “Speaking of, we should probably get an early night,”

Cristina’s words had barely left her mouth when there was a sudden knock at the door. Emma called for the intruder to enter. There in the doorway stood Julie, Beatriz and a stranger they seemed to have adopted in the half hour that Emma hadn’t seen them. The stranger was girl that looked around the same age as the rest of the girls, with warm brown skin and long black hair. Like her two companions, she was still dressed in regular clothes; jeans and a hoodie. Julie was still in her pale yellow top and mom jeans, while Beatriz wore a blue shirt and black skinny jeans.

“Hey,” Beatriz walked further into the room, her dark hair swaying as she made her way to Emma’s bed where she sat down, making herself comfortable. Julie did the same, sitting herself on Cristina’s bed. Only the newcomer seemed shy, but she didn’t show any awkwardness and took a seat at one of the desk chairs.

“Julie, Beatriz,” Emma started, eyeing her two new friends. “Did you guys kidnap another boarder, or,” Emma turned to acknowledge the newcomer. “- are you a friend?”

“She’s a friend,” Julie said.

“Marisol,” Marisol introduced herself, smiling at Emma and Cristina. She had deep brown eyes that crinkled as she smiled.

“I’m Emma,” Emma offered.

“I’m Cristina,” Cristina said.

Though the introduction was a little awkward, the tension dissolved as the girls lost themselves in conversation. Banter came easier than Emma had anticipated, and she was glad for that. The five girls exchanged worries and advice. Emma, who had never been one for girl groups before and got most of her girl advice from her mom or Helen, was happy to learn that it wasn’t all drama and pressure. These girls were nothing like the mean stereotypes that came with pretty girls in movies. Instead, Emma felt comfortable around them as if they had been friends for more than a day. She felt relieved with the knowledge that she actually would have friends this school year. She hadn’t planned on getting a new best friend; that spot was reserved for Julian, but she supposed it was good to have other good friends.

She was happy to know that the other girls had similar worries to her. Marisol and Cristina were both new to England, and had similar worries about fitting in at school. Beatriz, who had been living in England for most of her life and Julie, who was born and bred there, assured the rest of the girls that they’d be fine. Emma, Cristina and Marisol were the only three out of the five that were new to the school. Beatriz and Julie had been there since first year, and were more than happy to help the other girls with getting to know the school. Emma was happy that they were all in the same year. Marisol was only a few months younger than her while Cristina, Julie and Beatriz were only a little older. She even shared a few classes with them, judging by the choice subjects she was taking. If she was lucky she’d have music with Marisol and Julie.

“I’m in art with Miss Fray,” Beatriz informed the rest of the group, and she immediately caught Emma’s attention.

“Julian takes art,” Emma said a little too quickly. The other girls looked at her strangely, their expressions suspicious. Emma slumped against the headboard of her bed and tried to ignore the fact that they were all looking at her. She couldn’t help notice how Julie was smirking, how Beatriz looked intrigued and how Cristina wore the very same expression she wore earlier that day when Emma had first introduced her to Jules.

“What?” Emma asked, trying not to blush or sound too demanding. Julie sighed.

“Beatriz wants to know what the deal is between you and Master Blackthorn’s son,” She said while a giddy smile on her face.

“More like Master Snackthorn,” Beatriz muttered, but it was loud enough that all the girls heard. Emma and Cristina both made a choking noise while Marisol was in stitches laughing. Julie looked appalled, but it was obvious she was trying not to laugh.

“Beatriz!” Julie scolded, then she returned her attention to Emma, pressing her question.

“Julian?” Emma asked, as if they could be asking about Mark, Ty or Tavvy. She felt her cheeks grow hot, though she wasn’t sure why. “Oh,”

“Oh?” Beatriz asked, leaning towards Emma a little. She looked eager to know the answer, though Emma wasn’t sure what to tell her. She’d never been in this situation before. She’d never even thought about the fact that Julian wasn’t immune to being crushed on, and it felt weird to be sitting in a room where other girls had noticed how attractive he was.

Wait, Emma thought to herself. Do I think Julian is attractive?

As she thought about it, she realised she did. She might have been his best friend, but she wasn’t blind. He was tall, with adorably messy brown hair and gorgeous blue green eyes. It didn’t take a genius to notice he was good looking, and Emma wasn’t stupid. She could acknowledge his good looks and have it not mean anything, right?

She glanced at Cristina for help, but she looked just as curious as the rest of the girls.

“Is he you’re boyfriend?” Beatriz asked, her brown eyes wide. Emma shook her head.

“No,” Emma replied.

“So, you’re just friends?” Marisol asked, suddenly as intrigued as the rest of the girls.

The words almost stung Emma, almost making her flinch. Instead she just squirmed a little, as if uncomfortable in her sitting position. The words did hurt her. Saying that her and Julian were just friends was like saying the sun was a planet and that the ocean was just a big puddle. It was wrong in every way possible. They weren’t just friends; they were best friends. Julian wasn’t just someone Emma trusted and cared about. He was someone she couldn’t see herself living without. She had come to a realisation over the past few months; she didn’t like who she was when she wasn’t near Julian.

Surely that meant they were more than just friends.

“We’re best friends,” Emma insisted. Julie was looking at her as if she were a lost puppy.

“So,” Beatriz started. “Would you be okay with it if I-,”

Beatriz was interrupted by a sudden knock at the door. Cristina yelled for the intruder to enter, but instead of the door opening, a piece of paper appeared from under the door.

Cristina hurried from her bed to receive the note, cleared her throat, and read it aloud.

“Down the hall, last room on the left,” Cristina said. “Zara Dearborn wants to meet the newbies,”

* * *

Emma and the rest of the girls could hear the music blasting from underneath the door before they had even opened it. It wasn’t quite past curfew yet, but Emma was eager to get in and out of this meeting quite quickly. She didn’t want to get on the wrong side of the housemistress on her first night there.

“We don’t have to go in,” Beatriz said for the tenth time. She had been the one who insisted that this wasn’t a good idea. She didn’t think much of Zara Dearborn and her posse, but Julie protested that it wouldn’t be great to get the “newbies” on her bad side.

“I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of Zara,” Julie insisted.

“Why?” Emma asked, wondering what could be so bad about this girl who was only really a year older. Beatriz’s pout didn’t waver, but Julie shuddered.

“Have you ever seen mean girls?” Julie asked. She looked at Emma, but it was clear her question was directed at Marisol and Cristina too. All three girls nodded. “She’s like a wannabe Regina George,”

“Oh please-,” Beatriz began, but Julie continued with her dramatics.

“She can ruin your life!” Julie hissed. “Her main two friends are Amelia Overbeck, worlds biggest suck up, and Samantha Larkspear who knows everything about everyone. Zara is the worst, she’ll do anything to get what she wants. My advice is to play nice and avoid making her mad,”

“Damn,” Marisol said. “You girls are dramatic,”

“We’re not being dramatic! She told all the boys that Beatriz was-,”

“Okay, we don’t need to get into that, Julie. Anyways, just be nice,”

“Does that mean I have to stop using sarcasm?” Emma groaned. Cristina nudged her gently and rolled her eyes. Beatriz braced herself and opened the door.

Emma was a little disappointed. When she’d heard that the girls from the year above wanted to speak to the new boarders, she’d been expecting an initiation of some sort. A test maybe, or a ritual in which the weakest member of the pack was sacrificed to attain the favour of Athena. Instead, when Beatriz opened the door she found herself looking at a normal teenage bedroom.

Though it was the first night, these girls had already decorated. There were LED lights up on the wall, and clothes all over the place as if they’d been living here for weeks. There were two beds. On one sat a girl with long and glossy black hair. The other two girls say on the other bed. One had sandy coloured hair and dark eyes. She looked up immediately as the girls entered. The dark haired girl and sandy haired both got to there feet, sizing up the new kids.

The sandy haired girl who Emma would soon call Zara smiled brightly. She immediately hugged Beatriz and Julie, as if they were her best friends and not girls that had been talking about her a few moments prior.

“Girls!” She exclaimed. “It’s so good that you are both boarding this year! How was your summers? Did you get up to much?”

“We boarded last-,” Beatriz began.

“And newbies!” Zara ignored Beatriz, who frowned, and turned to Emma, Marisol and Cristina. “I’m Zara,”

“Emma,” Emma said, willing to give this girl a chance. So far she didn’t seem so bad. A little outgoing, maybe, but she didn’t seem to live up to the horrible person Julie and Beatriz had made her out to be. Maybe she had changed over the summer.

“I’m Cristina,” Cristina said, smiling at Zara, who looked her up and down.

“Cristina Rosales?” Zara asked. Cristina nodded, a look of faint confusion on her face. Zara smiled, but by now Emma could see beneath her facade. “Interesting,”

Marisol started to introduce herself, but Zara barely gave her the chance to speak.

“So!” She said. “Anything you girls would like to know? Any advice you need? I’m sure Julie and Beatriz have told you all about how we helped them out last year,”

“If by helped out you mean embarrassed me in front of all the guys in our year, then sure,” Beatriz muttered. Zara mustn’t have heard. She didn’t give Beatriz a second look.

“What classes are you guys taking? Any extra curricular activities?” The dark haired girl started. “I’m Samantha, by the way,”

“Nice to meet you,” Cristina said, as politely as ever. “I’m thinking of joining the drama club,”

Emma vaguely remembered Mark mentioning something about him and Kieran doing drama. She knew Livvy would be doing it too.

“Cute!” Samantha said. The obvious false niceties made Emma cringe. Samantha turned to her. “What about you, Miss California?”

“I’m not sure yet,” Emma confessed, wondering if it was so obvious that she was from America. “There’s a talent contest though, right? That sounds fun,”

“Zara wins almost every year,” Amelia said, proving to be worlds biggest suck up.

“Only because her dad is always on the judging panel,” Beatriz muttered under her breath. This time, Zara heard. Her head snapped around, and she gave Beatriz another sickeningly sweet smile, reminding Emma a little of a creepy doll her mom used to own.

“Careful, Beatrice,”

“Beatriz,” Beatriz corrected.

“Careful, Beatriz,” Zara snapped. “Wouldn’t want some rumours to get out. I’d hate to see last year repeat itself,”

Beatriz’s face went red, and her brown eyes darkened. She remained silent for the rest of the time the girls spent in Zara’s room, and Emma decided that maybe printing out Zara’s picture and throwing darts at it wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.

“What’s your act?” Zara asked, returning her attention to Emma and the subject of the talent show.

“Violin, mostly, but I play piano too,” Emma said. She could have said that she sang too, but that was mostly just because her parents enjoyed it. Not many people other than her parents and Julian heard Emma’s singing voice.

“Great,” Zara said. She glanced at each of the girls, as if deciding which topic to play next. “So, now that we’ve got the boring stuff out of the way, let’s get down to the real talk. Let’s talk guys. Julie, are you still with Jon Cartwright?”

Julie blushed. “We’re just friends now,”

“Shame,” Zara said, though she didn’t sound too sympathetic. “What about you guys? Spot anyone at the dining all that you fancy?”

All of the girls, who by now were tired of pretending to tolerate Zara, let out a chorus of _no_. All except Cristina, who gave a simple “I already have a boyfriend,”

“Well,” Zara said. “I’m sure you’ll all find someone. There are plenty of guys. It’s getting late, and Miss Wrayburn will be coming to make sure we’re all in our rooms soon. Wouldn’t want to get you all in trouble on your very first night,”

Emma could almost feel Beatriz’s urge to scream at Zara and remind her that she and Julie were there last year.

The girls got up to leave, saying awkward goodbyes. Zara walked them to the door, wearing the same fake smile she’d been wearing the whole time. She opened the door and let them all out, save Cristina, who was at the back of the line of girls exiting the room. Zara stopped her.

“Cristina,” She said. “What did you say your boyfriends name was again?”

“I didn’t,” Cristina replied. “His name is Diego, why?”

It was like the temperature in the room dropped. Samantha opened her mouth to speak, but Zara waved a hand to silence her.

“We’ll see,” Zara said, before ushering Cristina out of the room and shutting the door with a bang.

Emma wasn’t a genius, but at that moment she was sure of two things. One was that she didn’t like this girl, and two, that Zara Dearborn was definitely up to something.

* * *

“Dru!” Julian called from the kitchen, loud enough so that is voice echoed down the halls. He knew it reached his youngest sisters bedroom, and that she was just pretending not to hear him so that she could sleep in for five more minutes.

“I’m on it,” Livvy said, swallowing the last of her orange juice and hurrying to wake her sister. Both the twins were up a ready for school; Livvy buzzing with excitement and Ty double checking that he had everything he needed in his school bag. Helen had a free first class, and was in charge of making sure Tavvy was out of his superhero pyjamas and ready for school on time. She would drop him off before returning to the school the rest of the Blackthorns were attending to teach.

Mark entered the kitchen, looking like he didn’t share the worry his siblings were carrying. While Julian was nervous about starting a new school, Mark just seemed happy that he was going to see his boyfriend. He didn’t seem to be worried about classes or timetables or any of the other impending dooms that came with high school.

Dru was next to enter the kitchen. She seemed ready to leave other than the fact that the top of her head was soaked. Her expression conveyed that if anyone of her siblings so much as breathed near her, she might either scream or cry. The joys of being thirteen.

“Livvy,” Dru muttered, answering Julian’s silent question as to why on earth Dru’s hair was soaked when she’d washed it the night before.

“Well, it woke you up, didn’t it?” Livvy said in a voice which all siblings used to say _I told you so_ to one another.

“Livia,” Julian said sternly. “Don’t throw water on your sister. Drusilla, don’t stay up all night watching horror movies and sleep through your alarm. Now, eat some breakfast,”

As Dru ate her toast and Livvy muttered an unenthusiastic apology, Mark tried to talk with Ty. Ty, however, was not in the mood for Mark’s chit chat at eight o clock in the morning and made little effort to carry the conversation. Tavvy gave Helen some grief about wanting to have chocolate milk on his already chocolate cereal, but Julian convinced the littlest Blackthorn that he’d get sick all over his new classmates. Julian half wondered if he himself would get sick over his new classmates, he was so nervous about starting in a new place. It wasn’t going to be like high school back in LA. He was the headmasters son, and so he wondered if this meant he was entering with a target on his back.

Then he remembers the night before. Emma had already made friends. He liked George and Simon, and figured that if Emma liked Julie and Beatriz that they could grow on him overtime. Cristina seemed nice, and if all went well Julian would make more friends.

“Ready to go?” Julian asked Livvy, Tiberius, Dru and Mark. He gave Tavvy a quick hug and wished him good luck on his first day.

“Juuuuuuules,” Tavvy whined. “Do I have to go? Can’t I go to school with you?”

“That depends,” Julian considered, speaking his thoughts aloud. “Are you willing to cry every night over maths homework?”

“What?”

“Nothing,” Julian said quickly. “Look, Tavs, you’ll be fine. Rafael Lightwood is in your class, and you’ll have no trouble making friends,”

“Promise?” Tavvy asked, with wide eyes and small hands clinging to Julian’s bigger ones.

“Promise,”

Helen drove the jeep and dropped her siblings off at school. Though Julian and the rest were on time, the ground were already crowded with day students and boarders alike. Livvy and Ty stayed together while Dru said a rushed goodbye to the rest of her siblings and found her way to a boy with bleached looking blonde hair. Julian didn’t know how they knew each other, but judging by their awkward looking conversation this had been the friend Dru had been facetiming the past few weeks. Julian didn’t know his name, but he was pretty sure he was of some relation to his art teacher, Miss Fray.

Mark ventured off to find Kieran, while Julian scanned the crowd for Emma. He looked around for a blonde head, but couldn’t find her. Instead he spotted Simon Lewis and George Lovelace.

_Can’t rely of just Emma for all my social interactions_ , Julian thought to himself as he wove his way through the crowd to meet the only familiar faces. Simon was the first to notice him. He gave him a friendly smile, but George was the first to speak.

“Hey Julian,” He said. “Si and I were just having a very manly discussion. Care to join?”

“Manly discussion?” Simon scoffed. He rolled his eyes. “Lovelace, you were listing the reasons that a One Direction reunion tour could save the very earth from imploding,”

“Hush, Star Trek,” George insisted. “All I’m saying is-,”

“It’s Star Wars, actually,” Simon corrected.

“One Direction, huh?” Julian asked, inserting himself in the conversation. George’s face lit up.

“You’re familiar?” he asked. “Who’s your favourite? Is it Harry? You look like a Harry kinda guy. He’s my favourite too,”

“I guess I’ve never thought about it,” Julian said, trying to pretend he was the type of guy who couldn’t tell the difference between each member of One Direction and not the type who knew a decent amount of information about Niall Horan thanks to Emma.

“Louis is obviously the best,” Simon muttered, but he perked up as he spotted something. The girls were now approaching, all chatting as the walked. Julian most of the girls. Julie, with her hair perfectly straightened and Beatriz laughing alongside her. Cristina, looking neat though Julian could some how tell from one coffee lover to another that she was in need of a cup of caffeine. There was a girl beside her, shorter than the rest with long dark hair, talking to Cristina. In the middle of the group was Emma, her long hair pulled back in a braid and leaving Julian to wonder how it was possible for someone to look half that good at eight thirty in the morning.

The girls approached, and soon the group split into small conversations. Julian learned that the new girl was called Marisol. Julie and Beatriz gushed over who was hotter; Mr Herondale or Mr Bane. That discussion didn’t last long, as George pushed the topic of One Direction further.

“They are a masculine band!” He insisted.

“Were,” Cristina corrected, trying to be helpful. George made a muffled noise halfway between a wail and a sob.

Emma nudged against Julian lightly, not quite leaning in, just brushing her arm against his in the way she always did when she was too tired to speak but still awake enough to want attention. Julian felt a tug at his own heart; they were surrounded by new people in a new school in what felt like a whole new world and Emma was still the same. The gesture was casual, nothing that would indicate that they were anything more than good friends. It didn’t explain why Cristina kept giving Emma glances as if she knew something neither Emma nor Julian did.

The group continued the discussion about the members of One Direction, right up to when the bell rang. Emma and Julian both had history first class while the rest of the group took geography, so they went in the opposite direction. As the group scattered and went their separate ways, Emma whispered something about Niall being her favourite One Direction member. Julian couldn’t help but smile.

“I know,”

The two of them walked around the halls, trying to find the right classroom in the massive building. Emma talked on the way, asking about Tavvy starting school and Helen settling in England. They passed Dru, who was proving to be rising quickly popularity wise with the rest of the second years. Julian moved to wave, but Emma stopping him.

“You’ll embarrass her!” She protested. “She doesn’t want her older brother trailing around after her,”

Julian was about to make a sarcastic and quick witted remark, but Emma was already dragging him along, trying to find the classroom. They reached the room just before the second bell rang, and had only taken their seats when Mr Bane entered. Julian was thankful he and Emma had found seats near the back, as he had met knew Magnus Bane through Tavvy and Rafael’s friendship. The last thing he wanted was for his history teacher to start arranging a play date in the middle of class.

Thankfully, Mr Bane payed Julian no extra attention. Even when he called out the role, he passed no remarks. It was the first day, so that meant that the workload of the day wasn’t too bad. The teacher mentioned a project that they’d be starting in the next class, and to start gathering information for it. Other than that, Julian left the class homework free.

The rest of the classes went by just as quickly. It felt weird to know that his english teacher was his sisters girlfriend, but other than that, the classes were tolerable. Still, he was thankful when break finally came.

The group reunited at lunchtime, all sharing a circular canteen table. Julian now knew everyone at the table; Julie, George, Beatriz, Simon, Marisol and of course, Emma. It wasn’t until Cristina approached with a new stranger that Julian saw an unfamiliar face.

“Everyone,” Cristina exclaimed as she sat down on the other side of Emma. “This is Jaime,”

“Perfect Diego’s brother?” Emma asked. Jaime scowled. Emma’s expression turned apologetic as she returned her attention to her sandwich.

“Sorry,” Jaime said as soon as he realised he was scowling. “I just don’t like living in my brothers shadow, that’s all,”

Julian felt for him. He’d had a glimpse of what it was like to live in the shadow of a brother when Emma had gotten a crush on Mark at age thirteen. Emma had grown out of that particular crush not long after, but it had annoyed Julian all the same. Not that he’d ever tell Emma that.

“It’s okay,” Emma said, she then looked at Cristina, eyebrow raised. “Speaking of, where is Perfect Diego?”

“I haven’t actually seen him yet,” Cristina confessed, looking around the canteen to see if he had magically appeared. Then her gaze became fixated on something, and Julian saw what she was looking at.

Entering the canteen was a boy who looked very much like Jaime, other than the fact that he was a little older and taller. Julian quickly realised that this was Diego, and it wasn’t just him that Cristina was looking at. Beside him was a girl. She had sandy blonde brown hair and a smug expression on her face. She walked in, chin held high as if there were cameras around.

She was holding hands with Cristina’s boyfriend.

* * *

Emma was murderous by the time she was outside the dining hall. Cristina had taken one look at Diego and Zara, had registered what was going on and had got up and left. Emma had followed, but Julie and Beatriz had stayed behind so as not to cause as scene. What Emma couldn’t understand was how Jaime was still in his seat. He was Cristina’s best friend, so why wasn’t he acting like it?

Emma followed Cristina as she left the canteen. She hasn’t seemed the slightest bit upset as she strutted out of the dining hall with the whole school looking at her. In fact, she had managed to maintain her calm demeanour and handled the situation with grace. She did cast Zara a look, but instead of rage it seemed pitying, as if she were declaring Diego Zara’s new problem rather than her prize.

From the corner of her eye, Emma could see Diego move to get to Cristina. Zara held him back, and by the time he had freed himself from her grasp, Emma and Cristina were entering the girls bathrooms. He wasn’t quick enough to catch Cristina, though he did block Emma from entering. She glared daggers at him, her hatred forming as quickly as her loyalty to Cristina had.

“Please,” He said, panting after having had to run to catch up with the girls. “Tell her-,”

“I’m not telling her anything,” Emma snapped. “You can explain yourself to her later, though that chance isn’t something you really deserve at the moment. Get out of my way,”

“It’s not what it looks like-,”

“Seriously?” Emma demanded. She looked him up and down. He was ruggedly handsome, with captivating dark eyes and perfect hair that lived up to his nickname. If he hadn’t had just been holding hands with another girl and therefore humiliating Cristina, Emma might have thought he was cute. Instead she just thought he was a jerk. “It’s not what it looks like? You’re not also going out with Zara? You’re not holding her hand and acting all- all couple-ish with her?”

Diego frowned. “Couple-ish?”

“Move,” Emma ordered. She didn’t wait. She pushed passed him, and hurried into the girls bathroom. At first glance, it appeared to be empty. Then Emma heard the shaky sobs coming from behind a closed stall.

Emma’s fury turned to sympathy. Though she hadn’t known Cristina long, she liked her. A lot. She was thrilled that they were becoming such good friends. Emma didn’t have many close friends other than Julian and the Blackthorns, but she knew she liked her new friends in England. She may not have been as close to them as she was Julian, but she doubted she’d ever reach that level of friendship with anyone else.

_Julian_. Emma wondered how she’d have reacted if it were Julian that had just gone through what Cristina had. She needn’t have wondered for long, because she knew that if anyone hurt Julian like that, Emma would unleash hell onto that person. The feeling was scary and intense and strong, but she wouldn’t have had if any other way.

“Cristina?” Emma said softly, leaning against the stalk door. “Are you okay? Can I come in?”

Cristina did not reply, but with a soft click the door opened. There stood Cristina, her arms wrapped around herself and her cheeks lightly tear stained. Emma didn’t want to over step or break any boundaries, but it felt only right to give Cristina a hug. Cristina seemed thankful, and returned the hug.

“One year, Emma,” She said, her voice muffled against Emma’s shoulder. “We we’re together for a whole year. We were best friends before that too, and I just can’t believe he would lie to me like that. Do you think Jaime knew?”

“Oh, Tina,” Emma said, not quite wanting to answer that question truthfully. “For your sake, I really hope he didn’t. I’d really hate to have to murder both brothers on the same day,”

“Emma,” Cristina groaned. She pulled away from the hug. “Please don’t. There’s enough drama already,”

“But-,”

“Please, Emma,”

“Alright,” Emma agreed, though she wondered if Cristina would be alright with her using other methods to get to Diego. She’d learned tons of tricks with Julian and the twins over the years. She could sneak into his dorm and mess with his stuff. Maybe she’d replace his shampoo with hair removal cream, or write something inappropriate on his favourite t-shirts in sharpies. Usually Emma’s pranks were harmless, but Diego had just messed with one of Emma’s new favourite human beings.

A knock at the bathroom door and a masculine voice interrupted the comfortable silence. At first Emma thought it might be Diego, but as it turned out, it was Jaime. Cristina took a deep breath and wiped her tears. If Emma hadn’t been there to witness her crying, she may not have known there had been tears on her cheeks at all.

Cristina opened the door and stepped out into the hallway where Jaime was waiting. He was leaning against the wall, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Did you know?” Cristina asked. Emma admired her directness.

“I-,” He broke off, and didn’t meet Cristina’s eyes.

“Oh,” Cristina said quietly. It was clear that she saw past Jaime’s facade and could see a guilty face. Her shoulders slumped slightly, but her voice only raised a little. Emma wondered how on earth someone could have so much self control. “You knew?”

“Cristina, he promised me he’d break up with her,” Jaime protested, desperately trying to make a case. Emma’s eyes were now farting back and forth between the two, as if watching a very intense tennis game,”

“Well I guess that’s shows just how much his word is worth,” Cristina said. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,”

“Cristina, calm down,”

“Jaime,” Cristina said, her voice dangerously soft. “I just found out that my boyfriend has had another girlfriend the whole year we’ve been dating. I was just embarrassed in front of the whole school, and I haven’t had coffee in over twenty four hours. Don’t tell me to calm down, especially when you’ve known about Diego and Zara all along,”

_Damn_ , Emma thought to herself. _And I thought I’d get to be the sassy one in this friendship._

“I’m sorry, Tina,” Jaime tried, thought Emma wasn’t sure if that would heal the damage. Cristina smiled almost pityingly, and Emma wondered how this girl wasn’t breaking inside. Here she was, losing her best friend and her best love within the same twenty minute lunch period.

“Just go,” Cristina said. He left. Cristina looked liked she might punch something, get sick or burst into a dramatic song from a Disney film, as one does when heartbreak strikes. She was staring blankly at the wall. Emma took her hand in offer of support. Cristina gave Emma a grateful look, but a look of dread came over her. “I can’t go back in there,” She said, gesturing down the hallway to where the dining hall entrance would be.

Emma didn’t want to make Cristina uncomfortable, but she wasn’t sure how they’d be able to get lunch without going back to the dining hall. Then she realised that Cristina’s heartbreak was more important than her own appetite, and she decided that if Cristina didn’t want to be around the whole school after being humiliated, she would not force her.

“Where do you wanna go?” Emma asked. “Back to the-,”

“We could go to mine,” Julian said as he walked down the hall towards the two girls. Emma was glad to see him. She always felt the same sense of relief and familiarity when she saw Julian. “We only have two more classes, and that’s just double PE, right? I’m sure I can get dad to explain to Mr Herondale why we weren’t present,”

Emma must have been looking at Julian as though he had just saved the world from eternal doom, because he gave her a grin that made something inside her flutter. Other than the fact that Mr Herondale was hot for a school teacher, Emma hadn’t really been looking forward to PE. She glanced at Cristina, asking the silent question.

“If thats okay with you,” Cristina said, smiling at Julian with both gratefulness and politeness. “It’s just, I really don’t want to face the embarrassment that I would face with loosing a boyfriend to Zara Dearborn, of all people,”

Julian smiled. Emma loved his smile. She also loved that he and Cristina were getting along so well, but something inside her screamed otherwise. She repressed the thought.

“Missing class on the first day of school,” Julian said with fake disapproval. He then grinned. “Come on. Let’s go get you some hot chocolate for your heartbreak,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you so much for reading this chapter. for those of you who made it this far, i hope you enjoyed this chapter. feel free to leave feedback in the comments as i am always trying to improve. thanks, el :)


	7. Where Thou Diest, Will I Die

“What do you mean we have no hot chocolate?” Emma whispered. Cristina had put up a front all the way to Blackthorn manor, and hadn’t given any sign of crying until she’d made the mistake of checking her phone. Her inbox had been flooded with messages from Julie, George, Simon, Beatriz and even Marisol, all trying to make sure she was okay. Though they all had good intentions, but this only reminded Cristina that she had been publicly dumped in front of the whole school. She burst into tears and Emma hurried to get hot chocolate.

“We have no hot chocolate,” Julian said solemnly, reminding Emma of the way Tavvy would regard running with lollipops. The seven year old had once given Emma a very stern lecture on the subject.

“Oh my god, Jules,” Emma groaned. “The poor girl just got broken up with, now we have to tell her there’s no hot chocolate? There’s only so much devastation one person can take!”

“I’ll just send Mark out to get some,” Julian suggested. Emma raised a brow.

“Isn’t he supposed to be in school?” She asked.

“Aren’t we? He had a free class. Teacher was absent,”

“Ah, okay-,”

“MAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRK,”

Cristina jumped in her chair. Emma rolled her eyes. Mark entered pulling a guy with blue black hair along with him. Judging by the way he was holding the other boys hand, this was Kieran.

“Julian, what do you-,” Mark stopped suddenly when he saw Cristina, as if only noticing her presence there now. Emma would never have gotten the same reaction; it would have been weirder if she weren’t there, but Cristina was new. Mark was looking at her with something Emma knew but couldn’t explain.

Was Mark checking Cristina out? Emma wouldn't have been surprised. Despite her mascara stained cheeks and red eyes, Cristina was beautiful. One would have had to have been blind not to notice her beauty. Kieran was glancing back and forth between the two, looking as if his expression could mirror Mark’s or turn guarded.

Cristina was looking at both Mark and Kieran with curious eyes. Her gaze didn’t last long. She blushed and returned her attention to the table.

“Hot chocolate emergency,” Emma said. “We need some hot cho-,”

“Oh no,” Mark started. “Who’s heart are we mending?”

It wasn’t Mark’s fault he was a little oblivious at that very moment, but the room fell silent. All eyes fell on Cristina and her tear stained cheeks. Emma was silently grateful she didn’t burst out crying.

“There’s a small shop not too far away,” Mark started, swooping in to save the day. “Kier and I will go get some,”

“We will?” Kieran asked, and it was only Emma noticed his eye colour. They were grey, like Ty’s, but while Ty’s eyes were the same grey as storm clouds, Kieran’s eyes were strikingly silver.

“Yes,” Mark said cheerfully. To Emma’s relief, Cristina smiled. “I’m Mark, by the way. This is Kieran,”

“Cristina,” Cristina said. Kieran said nothing, and was still eyeing Mark and Cristina both with suspicion and curiosity.

“Nice to meet you, Cristina,” Mark said, and that was when it hit Emma. Mark was checking Cristina out. He was going to the store to get her hot chocolate to make her feel better. Mark liked Tina. Emma wondered what that meant for him and Kieran; who Mark was so obviously in love with. Kieran’s defences seemed to be rising quickly. “Kieran, you ready to go?”

“Sure,” Kieran said, and with that they left.

Julian said something about Tavvy coming home soon. Emma made her way towards Cristina, and sat on the chair beside her.

“How are you doing? Do you want some more tissues?” Emma asked gently. From the corner of her eye, Julian gave a brief look of surprise. Cristina took a deep breath.

“No, I’m sick of crying, but,” Cristina added, looking at both Julian and Emma. “Thank you. Both of you,”

“Hey,” Julian said from beside the sink, where he was drying a glass that he’d just washed. “What’s the point of having a friend that lives near the school if you can’t skip class to go get hot chocolate?”

Cristina laughed. Emma smiled. She liked when Julian showed this side of him to other people, but she also liked that he didn’t show the full extent of it. There were certain jokes and comments Julian kept just for Emma, as she did for him.

“I like that,” Cristina said. “That we’re all friends now,”

“Me too,” Emma said. She caught Julian smiling at her, and felt strange because she couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. If eyes were the windows to the soul, making eye contact with the one person that new Emma most in the world might spill all of her secrets, even the ones she didn’t know she had been keeping.

“Emma,” Julian said, beckoning her over to join him. “You left a hoodie here the other day. Wanna come with me to get it?”

“I didn’t-,” Emma started, recalling stealing Julian’s hoodie instead of wearing one of her own. Then she realised that this was probably Julian’s excuse to steal a private talk with her. She followed him out of the kitchen, but instead of leading her to his room he took the other hall. She followed him, wondering if the eeriness of the huge house creeped him out as much as it did her.

They walked in silence, with Emma no longer behind him but at his side. The hall wasn’t narrow, but Emma was close enough to feel the warmth radiating off his body.

Julian stopped at the end of the hall. He reached to open the door, but it was stiff and he had to push for it to open.

“I thought it was just bedrooms, but-,”

“A music room?” Emma asked, stunned by the view in front of her. The room was gorgeous. There were full length mirrors, but only a little light peaked through the heavy curtains. It was enough to see the whole room. Most things were covered in dust and sheets, making it clear this room had not been in use for a long time. Emma couldn’t see much because of the sheets, but a grand piano was hard to miss.

It stood in the centre of the room, and Emma could only imagine how beautiful it would have looked with sunlight shining in on it. Her mom had always talked about how she’d had a grand piano as a child, but in LA they’d just had an upright piano. Julian pulled the sheet back, causing a storm of dust. Emma gazed in awe, and her hands ached to play.

“Thought you might be interested,” Julian said, smirking at Emma’s excitement. There was still sheet music on the piano, but Emma didn’t care what she played. She just wanted to sit there and play whatever came to mind, if that be a classical piece or an overrated pop song. “It’s way out of tune, but-,”

Emma was at the piano in seconds, trying and failing to remove dust from the stool and moving over so that Julian could sit next to her. He did; as they had many times before back in LA. When Emma had been stressed about a music exam and the very presence of another person disrupted her focus, Julian would still be there. He may have annoyed and irritated her when it came to picking movies and hogging blankets, but when Emma was lost in her music Julian only calmed her.

“What are you gonna play?” Julian asked, as Emma pressed her fingertips against the keys lightly.

“I have no idea,” Emma confessed, searching her mind for inspiration. There was nothing in the room that should have been distracting her, but for the first time her life she was aware of how close Julian was. The piano seat wasn’t meant for two people, but they had both sat there anyway as they had many times before. It was a normal thing, but for once Emma was aware of everything. It was as if her senses had been sharpened. Julian was right next to her, and she could his shoulder against her, like pulses of energy everywhere their arms met each other.

Emma didn’t remember when inspiration struck. One moment she wasn’t playing, the next she was. It was a simple tune, really, something Emma could have played with her eyes closed. It wasn’t to the standard of her ability, but it wasn’t just a lyric-less piece of music. It was a song with words. She hummed along, and could feel Julian chuckle softly. It was gently reassuring to hear something so soft and familiar.

She didn’t remember when she started singing either. At some point she’d stopped humming and had given words to the melody. She didn’t sing loudly, her voice was just loud enough for it to be less than a whisper, but it was loud enough for her to reach the notes without sounding hoarse.

Julian hummed alongside her. To other people it might have sounded strange and mismatched, but to Emma the sound was sweet. Her voice and Julian’s, blending together, was something Emma would count as one of her favourite sounds.

Afterwards, silence followed. Just for a few seconds, and it was as far away from an awkward silence as it could have been. Then Julian spoke.

“Emma?” He said softly.

“Jules,” She said in return.

“Why don’t you sing more often?” He asked, and she turned her head to face him. “Like, for other people?”

_Because you’re the only person I ever want to be heard by_ , Emma thought. Despite how outgoing Emma could sometimes be, she didn’t care about what other people heard. If Julian wasn’t listening, no one was.

“I don’t see a reason to,” Emma said instead, scared of what the truth might mean. Julian made a pout, and Emma resisted the urge to smile at it. She’d been resisting the urge to smile at Julian a lot lately.

“You have a lovely voice,” He said, his gaze turned away from her and now focused on the piano keys. “You always have,”

Now Emma was resisting the urge to tear up. Instead she let out a soft sigh, like her heart had melted from inside her chest. Her feelings were confusing her. She usually didn’t sigh at anything Julian said unless it was with playful exasperation. This felt like something Emma knew but didn’t care to admit. She remembered something she’d heard once, but couldn’t remember the source. She hadn’t cared much for it at the time, but now it kept replaying in the back of her mind.

_We lie to ourselves far more than we lie to others_.

“Jules,” Emma started, trying to find her voice so she could thank him. Compliments had always been casual between the two, yet now Emma was struggling for words. She had inexplainable butterflies in her stomach. _Leave_ , she ordered them internally. The butterflies did not obey.

“Oh, I meant to show you,” Julian stood up, and Emma felt a little disappointed as he ceased to sit beside her and walked toward the door. To her delight, he didn’t walk out the door. Instead he picked up a guitar that Emma hadn’t noticed. It had been leaning against the door. It didn’t match the old and dusty room, and instead looked relatively new. Emma could play a little guitar, but mainly focused on violin and sometimes piano.

“Where did you-?” Emma began.

“Dad brought it over from LA,” Julian answered. “Turns out he used to play. Who would have thought? I found it when I was unpacking some of our stuff,”

Emma was surprised when he held up the guitar and put the strap over his head. She probably should have been thinking about Cristina, who was all alone in the kitchen. She wasn’t. Julian had all her attention.

“You can play?” Emma asked, a little shocked but intrigued at the same time. Julian had never shown a previous interest in music, other than when it had been her playing. When they were nine, he’d taken a notion that he wanted to learn the violin. After an hour of off key attempt and Julian’s frustration, the two gave up and decided to play a prank on Mark instead.

“A little,” Julian said. “Just a few chords. I haven’t gotten much time to practice, but I didn’t want it to go to waste. Livvy said I should post videos of me playing online,”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Emma decided, and Julian grinned at her. He placed his fingers on the fretboard as he found his starting chord. Julian had always had artists hands, and now it seemed they were fit to make music as well as art.

_Typical Julian_ , Emma thought. _Always making masterpieces_.

The other half of her was calling herself a fool

.

Julian began to play. He wasn’t as average as Emma had thought he’d be. He didn’t just play chords with simple strum patterns like she had the first time she learned to play. He played finger style, his left hand sliding up and down the fretboard. He plucked the strings and the melody came together. Emma recognised it, and began to hum along without noticing herself doing so. She didn’t notice until Julian looked up at her and smiled softly. She smiled back, but felt her cheeks grow hot.

‘Hey There Delilah’ wasn’t a hard song to recognise, and Emma knew it as being one of the songs of her and Julian’s driving playlist. It was a shared playlist, which resulted in Emma’s break up anthems clashing with Julian’s indie taste in music. They may not have matched, but the car rides were no less fun, and Emma had missed them as soon as Julian had left LA.

As the song continued, Emma felt a pang. She missed late night drives with Julian. She missed the salty breeze from LA beach. She missed her old room where she and Julian had spent so long. She missed her old piano and the skatepark Mark took her and Julian to. She missed her parents; her moms cooking and her dads bad jokes. She hadn’t expected to feel homesick so soon or so suddenly, but she did, and by the end of the song she had turned away from Julian and had tears in her eyes. She cursed herself silently, and tried not to cry. She hated crying.

“Emma?” Julian asked, sounding puzzled. Emma put her face in her hands, not wanting him to see her sad.

“That was really good, Jules,” She said. She then sniffed, which probably gave away the fact that she was upset. She wondered if he thought she was crying at the song and was over emotional, and then remembered that Julian knew her better than that. He’d seen her hold back tears before, so he’d know if something was wrong. “Really, really good. I love that song,”

She let her hands fall. The fell at her sides.

“I know you do,” Julian said. He sounded worried. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Emma sniffed again. A few tears had escaped and were streaming down her cheeks. “I- I just-,”

She made a muffled noise. She’d meant to say the word homesick, but it came out as gibberish. Julian didn’t say anything else. He touched her arm lightly, and traced the words with his fingertips.

W-h-a-t-s w-r-o-n-g-?

Emma turned around. His hand was still holding her arm, but not tightly. He was gentle and careful. Emma loved that about him. She took his hand, and traced the palm of his hand.

M-i-s-s h-o-m-e

Julian frowned worriedly, but it was gone almost as quick as it had appeared. Emma meant to explain; to tell him that she didn’t want to go home, that she’d rather be here with him. She just missed it, the same way he did. The words didn’t reach. Words weren’t always the easiest thing for Emma, who had never considered herself an easy talked when it came to the important things. Flirting and banter; easy, but expressing feelings? Not her strong suit.

Instead she did something easier. She took Julian’s hand and squeezed it a little. She didn’t even need to ask. He pulled her into hug, and Emma nearly stumbled in relief. He had his arms wrapped around her, and they were dangerously close to each other. So close that if Emma were in this position with another person she’d be uncomfortable. Once upon a time, she may have even felt awkward holding Julian like this. It didn’t now. Standing there, pressed against him felt right.

“The song,” Emma said, her voice blurry against Julian. “Reminded me of LA,”

“That’s why I learnt it,” Julian said. His chin rested on top of her head, and Emma wondered if he felt weird like this. Maybe it was weird for them to be standing like this. They were best friends, but if another person walked in on them like this they might get another idea. The idea scared Emma, but she didn’t hate it. Panic swelled as she wondered if Julian would. “It reminded me of you. Of us, you know, with you being far way and everything,”

Emma made let out a small sigh, and pulled away, fearful that her tears were soaking Julian’s t-shirt. She couldn’t put into words how good it felt to hear the word _us_ again. Then she remembered that Julian had been reminded of them by a love song. Maybe it was just the distance part, or maybe it was the whole thing. Oddly, Emma didn’t mind. Julian seemed to, as he blushed, like he was regretting his choice of words.

She looked into his eyes; blue and green and unreadable and beautiful. He was looking back at her, and Emma hated the realisation she was coming to. It was terrifying. It was risky. It was real.

She had stopped crying, and before she could do it herself, Julian was wiping the tears off her cheeks. It was automatic. Surely it didn’t mean anything. It didn’t stop Emma from feeling something tug at her heart the second he did it.

There was a moment silence. Emma broke the eye contact, and Julian asked her if she was okay again.

“Fine now, thanks,” She said, not meeting his eyes. “I- I needed that. And your song. It was amazing. Maybe you should post videos of you playing online,”

“Maybe. Livvy told me that girls tend to like guys that can play guitar,”

“Never mind then,” Emma said, not realising what she’d said until she’d said it. Julian smirked, and there was an unfamiliar glint in his eyes. Half mischief, half something Emma couldn’t decipher.

“You jealous, Carstairs?” He asked. Emma could feel her cheeks burning, but even with his mischievous grin, Julian was also bright red.

“I-,” Emma started. She was interrupted by a loud caller. Tavvy was calling for Julian. Helen must have dropped him home between classes. Tavvy called out for Julian again. She then heard his voice and Cristina’s mingling in the kitchen, along with Mark’s. Had Julian and Emma been in the music room that long?

“We should go,” Emma mumbled, quickly dodging past Julian and wiping away the remainder of her tears. If she was lucky, no one would be able to tell she’d been crying.

Julian followed a moment later. They walked in silence. The energy between them felt different, and Emma wondered if her unease was a result of that or just her homesickness.

When they entered the kitchen, Emma was relieved to see that Cristina wasn’t too bothered by Emma’s absence. She sat at the kitchen table, sipping hot chocolate out of a mug. Kieran sat at the end of the table, while Mark sat in between the top. Tavvy was at the head of the table, rambling about his day with full confidence despite not knowing two of the people in front of him. He had a moustache from the cream of his hot chocolate above his lip.

Julian ruffled Tavvy’s hair as he walked into the kitchen, while Emma sat opposite from Cristina so that she too could hear about Tavvy’s day.

“Hey kiddo,” Julian said as Tavvy beamed up at him. “How was your day?”

“It was _so_ good,” Tavvy explained enthusiastically. “My teacher is called Miss Loss and she let me sit beside Rafael,”

“That’s great, Tavs,” Julian said, smiling at his little brother. He crossed the kitchen and flipped the switch on the kettle.

“So, Cristina,” Mark said suddenly, turning to Cristina. She smiled sweetly at him. Kieran slumped in his chair, failing to hide his annoyed expression. “Are you thinking of joining any clubs?”

“I was thinking about drama,” Cristina replied. Mark lit up.

“Kieran and I are doing drama too,” Mark said, smiling wholeheartedly at the thought of joining a club with his boyfriend. Emma knew why. When people were in love, they liked to show it, and Mark’s way of showing it was joking the drama club with his boyfriend. Even Kieran smiled a little as Mark said it.

“Great,” Cristina said, obvious relief on her face. “I wasn’t sure who else would be doing it, and I couldn’t convince this one to do it with me,”

She gestured towards Emma, who looked poker faced.

“What?” She asked. “Have you seen me trying to act?”

“That’s true,” Mark said. “Emma is a terrible liar,”

“Hey!”

“It’s true,” Julian said. Emma mock glared at him. He threw his hands up in surrender, and went back to making tea. “Miss Fray told us that as art students were expected to help making the props, but I’m sure she’d be open to extra help. You can help me with painting and stuff,”

Emma was about to argue that she could barely draw stick men, but the idea of painting with Julian didn’t sound like the worst think in the world.

“Fine,” She said, trying to sulk but failing miserably. “What time to we have to be back at the boarding house, Tina?”

“We have prep starting soon. We’d better get going,” Cristina said. Emma frowned. She would have much preferred to stay with Mark and Julian all day, but alas, all good things must come to an end.

“I’ll see you guys later,” Emma said, mostly meaning she’d see Julian later. “Study awaits. Bye,”

There was a chorus of goodbyes as Emma and Cristina left. The walked side by side, and Emma couldn’t help but notice Cristina in slight distress.

“What’s up?” She asked. “Is it Diego? The offer for me to get him back for hurting you still stands,”

“No, it’s not that,” Cristina said. “I don’t think Kieran liked me,”

“What?” Emma asked, trying to figure out how on earth someone couldn’t like Cristina. Just earlier that day she’d decided that there were two types of people in the world. The good people, and the people that didn’t like Cristina. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know,” Cristina confessed. “Maybe it was because I was talking to Mark so much, but I didn’t mean to overstep,”

“You weren’t over stepping, Tina,” Emma tried, wanting to reassure her new friend, but even Emma had noticed Kieran's put off behaviour. Maybe he was a little jealous, but Emma didn't really want to use such an ugly word to describe the boyfriend of one of her closest friends.

Then again, Emma had felt the horrible overwhelming feeling that burned as jealousy did just the night before when Beatriz and Julie had been gushing over Jules. Emma had suppressed it the way she always had when unfamiliar feelings close to the bubble that was her friendship with Julian. The earth never stopped spinning; a fact that intimidated Emma more than she cared to admit. The world was constant chaos, forever changing and never the same, but Julian never changed if not for the better. It might have been unhealthy to constantly rely on one person for reassurance and solidarity, but Emma had been doing it for so long she barely thought about it anymore.

Emma was determined that the feelings from last night were not jealousy. They couldn't be, because that would have implied that Emma's feelings for Julian were something other than platonic, and that couldn't have been, because that would mess with the balance of it all. They were Emma and Julian, best friends, destined to eventually fall in love with other people and support each other. Emma would support Julian no matter what, but if that was the case then why did the thought of him dating another girl and giving his all to that one singular person who wasn't Emma make Emma want to either throw up or cry or both.

Having a crush on Julian wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world if he wasn't the one thing Emma didn't imagine herself without. Having a crush would confuse things. Emma had had crushes in the past; fast paced romances that ended after barely a month later when Emma realised her feelings may have been more lust than love. After she'd broken up with the guy and was left feeling like a horrible person for dumping a perfectly good boy, it was Julian she always went back to. Julian matched her humour and helped her feel less awful about herself. He was the one to pick her up, not the LA boys Emma was miserable over.

Maybe it was just the fear of it all. Emma didn't hate the idea of falling for Julian, that part hadn't even shocked her. Those moments in the music room had been an awakening, as if after spending so long wondering if she was even capable of love, things finally felt right. It was like the feelings Emma had wanted to feel for so long were finally reaching the surface. Emma didn't hate falling for Julian, she was just afraid of everything it might ruin. Fear and hatred were not the same thing.

"Emma?" Cristina asked. They had reached the end of the walk, and would be back at the boarding house in moments. Cristina looked concerned, and Emma half panicked wondering if she'd just missed a whole rant of Cristina's.

"Sorry, I-," - think I'm falling for my best friend. Emma stopped herself before she could finish her sentence. She wasn't about to talk about it. Talking about it made it official. Emma decided to do what she did best; come back to earth as her regular sarcastic self. "Lost in thought. You were saying?"

This time, Emma listened to Cristina as she vented about Diego and Jaime. She offered advice and tried to help as much as she could. Anything to distract her from her own thoughts and to keep her from accidentally telling Cristina what was really going on. Cristina had more important things to deal with. Besides, Cristina would probably just tell Emma to talk to Julian, and that was the last thing Emma wanted.

Emma would have to figure things out by herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh finally an update. thanks so much for reading. what do you think of the fic so far? what do you guys think of simp emma in this chapter? feel free to leave a comment to let me know. i hope you enjoyed the latest chapter, i'm sorry if it was cheesy. i'm sorry if updates become less frequent, i am so busy all the time and i am writing other stuff too. again, thank you so much for reading and i hope you liked this chapter. el :)


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